Read Luck of the Draw (Xanth) for Free Online Page B

It looked like a giant lima bean, the biggest he had ever seen. There were indents on the side that looked like steps rising to the top, where there was a pile of what looked like saddle blankets.
    “This one I don’t get,” he said. “Is it a has-bean?”
    “No,” Rachel said.
    “Then what kind of a pun is it?”
    “Don’t know.”
    Mindy kept silent. Bryce had the feeling that she was waiting for him to run afoul of a really egregious pun.
    “It wouldn’t fit in the bag anyway.” He tried to walk on by, but the bean blocked the path and there were brambles on either side blocking his progress. It seemed he had to fathom one pun before going on to another.
    Bryce considered. “Well, let’s get to the top of this,” he decided. He put his toes in the indents and carefully mounted the steps. He discovered that he was being unnecessarily cautious; his young healthy body had no trouble handling this feat. Still, he was not about to become careless; body notwithstanding, his mind was old and experienced.
    He got to the top and sat on the blankets, which roughly resembled a saddle and were comfortable. But he still didn’t see the pun.
    “Come on up, the weather’s fine!” he called to Rachel.
    She ran up the steps, scrambling, and made it to the top, joining him on the saddle blankets.
    “Giddy up!” Bryce said.
    The bean broke away from its vine, sprouted little rootlike legs, and started moving.
    “Oh for pity’s sake,” Bryce said, finally getting it. “It’s a Carry-Bean! It must take root in a new spot once it has carried someone to where he wants to go.”
    Rachel made a sound like upchucking something foul from her throat. They had encountered a really foul pun.
    But how was he to get it into the pun bag? There had to be a way.
    They passed a large plant that bore sunflower-like disks. No, they were baked pies! Curious whether they were actually edible, Bryce reached for one.
    “No!” Rachel barked, nosing his hand away.
    “No? What’s the matter with it?” But his left eye was warning him too.
    Then the pie he had almost taken exploded. Rats flew out, landing on the bean. One nipped at Bryce’s left hand.
    “No you don’t!” he cried, making a fist and knocking the rat off the bean. “That’s my wedding ring! What are you, a pirate, trying to steal gold?”
    Then he groaned. “Oh, no! That’s sickening.”
    Rachel looked at him.
    “I got the confounded pun,” he said. “These aren’t pirates. They are pie rats, that lurk in pies until something worth stealing comes along.” He took a breath. “Pie Rats of the Carry Bean.”
    Rachel gazed at him as if he had emitted a noxious stench.
    But now the bean was shrinking, bearing them down to the ground. He quickly opened the pun bag. “In!” he commanded. “Pie Rats and Carry Bean.”
    The bean and rats entered. Two more puns had been captured.
    “I think this is enough for now,” Bryce said. “I have come to understand why pun collectors suffer burnout.”
    They walked back along the path to rejoin the others, who had stood back. “I got a bellyful,” Bryce called to Mindy, heaving up the bag.
    “We thought you might,” Mindy replied. “Do you want to quit now?”
    “Quit? Now, we’ve barely started. There must be dozens more puns in need of suppression.”
    “Hundreds,” she agreed. “If you have the stomach for it.”
    “Let’s find out.” Bryce did not care to admit how sickening that last pun had proved to be.
    Now Mindy joined him, wading into the thicket of puns. But almost immediately she got caught up in vines that lifted her steadily upward and forward. “Escalate Her!” she cried, opening her bag. The vines crawled in and she landed back on the ground.
    Meanwhile Bryce was attacked by a hedge that had sharp shears on its extremities. “Hedge-clippers,” he said, and packed it in.
    Woofer dug in the ground. “Woof!”
    Mindy went over and looked. “I recognize that,” she said. “I knew a girl once