collection inspired, he said, by the Glass Menagerie, and more particularly the character in the play, Laura Wingfield, someone with whom he “completely identified.” Maxine then turned to Sheila and said, “Love yourManolo Blahniks. He’s my favorite shoe designer. I especially like his platforms.”
“Jeeze,” Goodwin thought at the time, “how many men even know about Manolo Blahnik? And platforms?” When Goodwin first heard Maxine mention “platforms,” he thought Blahnik had a political agenda. “Ask any guy, “who is Manolo Blahnik?’ he thought at the time, “and he’ll immediately start thinking players’ rosters on baseball or football teams.”
“You know,” Goodwin said, “Maxine is even a fan of Manolo Blahnik.”
Graves, “Doesn’t he play for the Mets?”
Goodwin, “He even mentioned Blahnik’s platforms.
Graves, “I’m a Republican.”
As he was preparing to make a quick exit, Kass sought to confirm the quartet’s collective judgment of Sydney Maxine’s girlie man status and volunteered in an effort to demean Maxine in abstentia, “He even hits from the ladies’ tees.”
In virtually every civilized golf course in America, these tees are not genderized, but simply called the “forward tees.” In the dopey world of macho men’s golf, however, the act by a man of hitting from the forward tees, unless he’s had a recent stroke or back operation, was only a small step away from being a transvestite. Ironically, years later Kass admitted to being a transvestite, though he continued to hit from the back tees despite losing some distance because he couldn’t swing as well while wearing his tight fitting Manolo Blahnik golf shoes.
Comedic Incompatability
G oodwin was speeding past the mansions of Grace Harbor en route to his own grand maison. Adrenalin percolating through his body caused him to alternate between fits of rage and bouts of blabbering to himself like some deranged homeless person. Crazed, Goodwin began excoriating an absent Sheila, “You are the most despicable, dishonest person I know. You were the person who continually accused me of cheating, when I never did. All the while you are screwing around with our marriage counselor.”
Goodwin’s statement about his fidelity was true at the time, but there would be one minor footnote added later. The little asterisk next to his protestation related to what television shows sometimes euphemistically call an “intimate moment” or a “sexual situation.” Goodwin’s intimate moment, however, came after Sheila had left him. Post-partum sex in Goodwin’s view did not equal infidelity, not that temptations didn’t exist along the way. But these were always sublimated to fantasies, most of which focused on several women in his country club whom Goodwin would assess from a discrete distance as they plied their skills on the club’s putting green. He looked, fantasized, but never touched, or for that matter even flirted.
Goodwin actually preferred these fantasies to the real thing. While not nearly as satisfying as “in vivo sex,” a term coined by one of his doctor friends, these mental dalliances were totally risk free. He reasoned that when he had these little sexual fantasies, performance anxiety was never an issue, unless that was part of the fantasy. He never had to weara condom unless he was extremely serious about safe sex. Best of all, fantasies were much easier to break off. His last reason, however, was not universally true.
A close friend of his, for example, confessed to having a sexual fantasy about the same woman at the club for about five years. By pure coincidence, one day he and the woman were teamed up in a golf tournament, which meant they rode together in a golf cart. “I couldn’t believe my luck,” his friend said. “Not only did I have great new material for my future fantasies, but I was also winning the golf tournament.”
In fact, he never played so well in his life. The man