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lifted another bite to his mouth, but then he set his fork down, pushing away his plate of food. How could he eat when men like Joseph were getting beaten tonight? When they were being starved? He spent his days harvesting food for animals while there were men who were fighting and dying for what was right.
    Loyalty means you fight...
    Colonel O’Neill’s words played over and over again in his mind, and he couldn’t seem to rid himself of the burden of guilt that entangled him. By not participating in this war, was he being disloyal to the government God had placed over him? Was he a coward?
    Sophia Paul stopped at his table with two pitchers of milk in her hands. Lifting Friedrich’s glass, she slowly filled it. Friedrich didn’t look at her, but he could feel her presence as she lingered beside him, filling the glasses of the men on each side.
    When he glanced over at her, Sophia giggled, and he refocused his eyes on Matthias, across the table. One of Matthias’s eyebrows rose, and Friedrich’s eyes narrowed at the grin on his friend’s face. Matthias’s smile grew even bigger, and Friedrich wished he could reach across the table and wipe the smirk off his face.
    Matthias knew Friedrich was planning to marry Amalie Wiese, and no matter how many times Sophia refilled his glass or brought him and the men in the fields baked goods for their lunch, he wouldn’t change his mind.
    Sophia moved to the women’s table and placed one of her pitchers on it. Friedrich noticed she neglected to fill any of their glasses.
    The man sitting next to Friedrich elbowed him and whispered, “Won’t be long before Amalie’s making supper for you.”
    Friedrich nodded. Amalie’s cooking was renowned across the community. When her baas was ill in Ebenezer, Amalie developed a reputation as someone who demanded those under her to work hard, but all of their hard work paid off during meal times. Most of the brothers hoped they would be selected to eat in her new dining room, but as Amalie’s husband, Friedrich would be guaranteed a place at one of the tables.
    Amalie wasn’t silly like Sophia or some of the other young women who giggled around the men. She was serious and determined and dedicated to their community. There was no finer single woman among the Inspirationists than Amalie, and she was going to be his wife.
    But tonight, instead of excitement about her arrival and their subsequent marriage, an eerie sense of dread settled over Friedrich’s heart. In weeks, he would become one of the married men the colonel talked about, and in a year’s time, he could be a father as well.
    He wanted to marry Amalie, and he especially wanted to have children, two or maybe even three. But how could he live with himself, knowing he didn’t fight for his brother? His children would never respect him, not if he didn’t respect himself. And how could he, if he knew people were suffering in their country, and he covered his ears and his eyes to their pain?
    Maybe the timing wasn’t right to marry Amalie or begin a family. Maybe he should fight first and then return to her.
    When he looked up again, Matthias was watching him, but this time Matthias didn’t mock him with his smile. Instead he nodded at Friedrich’s half-eaten plate.
    “Are you ill?” his friend whispered.
    He shrugged his shoulders. He couldn’t whisper back all that had happened this afternoon or the thoughts raging in his head. Lifting his fork again, he pushed the remaining cabbage and potatoes around his plate. The thought of taking even one more bite made his stomach roll so instead of eating, he guzzled down his glass of milk and then slid off the bench before Brother Schaube closed the meal with prayer.
    The dining room door slammed behind him, echoing through the silence, but he didn’t care. How could any of them fill their bellies in silence when so many of their countrymen were dying? It seemed wrong now, so much peace here when a war raged in their