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She'd cleared away most remnants of Thanksgiving. My eyes
watered.
    I leaned against the counter and
for a second studied her up close in the morning light. My mother insisted on
dyeing her hair a deep, unnatural red, but she did it so irregularly that it
was shot through with gray and dull brown. I could see new furrows on her
forehead, like birds flying in V formation.
    "Thanks," I said.
    She seemed flustered by my arrival.
"It's the least I could do, right?"
    "No, you could do less."
    I'd been kidding, but she looked
around skittishly. She was always ready for me to dig at her, and, somehow, the
fact that she expected it made me do it. We both wanted it to go differently,
but our relationship had always been one big self-fulfilling prophecy.
    "I want to try to get some
shopping done today," I said.
    "With Jon?" she asked
hopefully. She laid the pot in the dish rack. I picked it up for drying, while
she started a ferocious scrub-down of the turkey pan.
    "No, just me. Do you think you
could watch Jacob? You two could stay here, or walk to the park. I don't know
if children's museums are open today, but you could always see a movie."
    "What about Jon?"
    "I don't know what he's doing
today."
    "I mean, maybe I should go
shopping with Jacob, and then you could spend the day with Jon."
    "I don't want to spend the day
with Jon. At the moment, the absolute last thing I want to do is spend the day
with him."
    She looked worried and hesitant.
"How are things going to get better between you if you don't—"
    "It's too soon, Mom, okay? I
need more time." I reminded myself that she was trying to help and
softened my tone. "If you don't feel like watching Jacob, maybe Tamara could
do it. I was just thinking it might be nice for you to spend some time alone
with him."
    "No, I want to be with Jacob.
I'll watch him."
    The bruised way she averted her
eyes made me feel like I needed to apologize. "I'm sorry. I just didn't
sleep at all last night."
    "You could try one of my pills
tonight, if it would help."
    "That's probably not a good
idea for the baby."
    "Right. That was stupid of
me."
    My head was throbbing violently.
"I'm going to call Tamara and Clayton and check on Jacob. Did you eat yet?"
    She nodded. "I finished off
the pumpkin pie. That was good. Who made that?"
    "Jon."
    Now her expression was apologetic,
but she didn't say anything.
    Was Jon's name going to become a
dirty word now? People might try to stay neutral, but ultimately they were
going to have to take sides. Wasn't that the way these things worked?
"I'll be back in a few minutes," I said.
    I returned to the bedroom, shut the
door, and dialed.
    "Hello?" Clayton said.
    "Hi, Clayton. It's Eve."
    A brief pause, a search for the
appropriate remark, I hen realizing there was no such thing: "Hi,
Eve."
    "Hi." I perched on the
edge of the unmade bed. "How's Jacob?"
    "He's got us making
pancakes," he said.
    "He loves pancakes." I
heard Jacob chirping happily In the background. I felt a rush of relief that
last night hadn't touched him, and I missed him sharply. I was about to ask to
talk to him, but Clayton was too quick for me.
    "Hey, Tamara's right here.
Hold on just a second."
    From the speed with which he
extricated himself, I guess I knew whose side Clayton was on. "Eve,"
Tamara said. "I was thinking about you all night."
    I almost laughed, thinking what
kind of night Clayton must have had. Tamara tended to be rather vocal about her
feelings.
    "Are you all right?" she
asked. "I mean, of course, you're not, but are you... ?"
    "I'm still breathing. I'm
still walking around. So for our purposes here, let's just call that all
right."
    "I just couldn't believe it. I
mean, this is Jon we're talking about."
    "I know."
    "How did you find out? I mean,
one minute we were all enjoying Thanksgiving, and the next, you're white as a
ghost and kicking us out."
    "I heard him talking on the
phone."
    Shocked silence. "He took a
call from his mistress on Thanksgiving?"
    "That he did."
    "Wow, that's