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Charlotte and Ava’s youngest sister, was here. Molly is the peacekeeper in the family and can diffuse any situation. She probably would have been able to get Brooklyn to stop drinking eight shots ago with no problem. Unfortunately, Molly is only nineteen and therefore, not allowed in the bar. Same goes with both of Aunt Jenny and Uncle Drew’s kids, Veronica, also nineteen, and Billy, sixteen. All they care about is being the life of the party and probably would be doing plenty of stupid things to take the focus off of Drunky McDrunkerson sitting here next to me.
    “Dude, this plan is NOT working,” I complain quietly to Tyler next to me.
    “What are you talking about? It’s totally working. Charlotte can’t stand to see you with her.”
    “The entire bar can’t stand to see me with her because she keeps yelling at random people that she’s going to cut their mother,” I complain.
    “She’ll be fine. Just make sure she takes her meds,” Tyler tells me distractedly as he winks at a girl a few tables away.
    “Meds? What meds? Should she be mixing medication with alcohol?” Panicking when I feel Brooklyn’s head slump forward, I place my fingers against the side of her neck to make sure she’s still alive.
    Her head jerks up suddenly and she starts screaming. “OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG! I WANT TO DANCE!”
    I stare at her in horror as she laughs uncontrollably. She suddenly shoots up from her chair and points to a guy at the far end of the bar about twenty yards away. “Do you see that guy? He’s staring at me. He’s creepy and he keeps staring at me. That little Chinaman keeps staring.”
    Glancing over to where she points, I see nothing but a group of women talking to a fifty-something guy.
    “I’m going to chase him,” Brooklyn states.
    “What? No. He’s not staring at you and you aren’t chasing anyone.”
    “I don’t think that’s a Chinaman. He looks Italian to me,” Tyler muses, totally not helping the situation.
    Brooklyn narrows her eyes at the poor unsuspecting man who isn’t even facing our direction.
    “Yep. This is totally happening. That little Vaginaman is going down.”
    Before I can stop her, she kicks her chair out of the way and goes running full sprint to the bar.
    The guy she’s aiming for looks up and sees her barreling toward him at full speed. A moment of panic flashes across his face before he slams his beer bottle down on the bar and takes off running in the opposite direction.
    “RUN, VAGINAMAN, RUN!” Brooklyn screams as she runs after him. Everyone in the bar stares in shock and moves out of the way as she chases him right out the front door and into the parking lot.
    I turn my head away from her and glare at Tyler who just shrugs. “Don’t give me that look. She wasn’t this cuckoo when I banged her a few months ago.”
    “Jesus Christ, you slept with her? What is wrong with you?” I scold.
    “What? I like the crazy. Crazy chicks are needy and hot in bed. Don’t worry, I’ll go after her.”
    Tyler gets up from his seat and heads to the door. Out of the corner of my eye I see a flash of something and watch as the Italian-China-vagina-man streaks past the window outside with Brooklyn right on his heels.
    Looking across the table, I catch Charlotte’s eye and she gives me a sympathetic smile. Obviously making her jealous didn’t work. And I’m pretty sure hearing Brooklyn shout about anal all night long didn’t convince her I’m a sex God. All this evening did was make her feel sorry for me. I wanted her to see me with another woman and realize she has feelings for me. If I ever need another fake girlfriend again, remind me to never put Tyler in charge of finding her.
    “I caught the Chinaman. He won’t be bothering me anymore. Show me your penis,” Brooklyn suddenly demands next to my chair before collapsing onto my lap and dissolving into a fit of tears.

 
     
    Since Wolfey’s the other night was a total bust, I’m moving down the list and