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considered aftershave. His hands moved gracefully over my head. I cringed from the cold at first, but his warm hands caressing my head soon relaxed me, and I closed my eyes to enjoy the sensation. He rubbed the lotion in for a few minutes. His fingers moved down behind my ears, to my shoulders, and down my arms. His lips pressed against the top of my head. I swallowed. A wave of emotions washed through me. My hands were settled in my lap and his came to rest on top of mine. I didn’t know whether to move or not. Should I flip my hands over and take hold of his?
    When I opened my eyes, he was kneeling in front of me, gazing at me. “You look beautiful.”
    My eyes searched his. If it weren’t for the butterflies flying around my stomach telling me otherwise, I would have wondered if he was being a jerk.
    He reached up and caressed the side of my face. With a gentle tug on my hand, he lowered me down. I slid off the unromantic porcelain throne and sat on my knees on the floor. Damian placed both hands on either side of my face, his eyes locking with mine. He leaned in closer.
    Were my lips dry? Were they supposed to be? What if I sucked at it? I hadn’t brushed my teeth since that morning, and…
    Before I had a chance to finish my thought, Damian’s lips were pressed against mine. I closed my eyes, ‘cause that’s what happened on TV, and let my shoulders fall. More questions ran through my mind, the old ones forgotten. Was I supposed to breathe or hold my breath? What should I do with my hands? Should my lips stay closed or open? Please, oh, please don’t throw up!
    I kept my hands on my lap for a moment, but as Damian’s mouth opened and sucked my lower lip between his, my arms wrapped around his neck on their own. He responded by moving his hands to my shoulders and sliding them down my arms. His lips moved over mine tenderly, then he folded his arms around my waist and hugged me against him.
    When the kiss ended, I stared at him. Small shivers still raced down my spine, and my whole body tingled. Damian smiled. He kissed the tip of my nose, and his fingertips trailed over the side of my neck. My insecurity dissipated at the expression on his face .
    “ I saw the way he looks at you.”
    Now I could see it , too. It was the sparkle in his eyes. The way the corner of his mouth curved up in an impish grin. He leaned in and kissed my neck where his fingers had been.
    “You taste good,” he whispered in my ear.
    It could have been the chemo dancing its way through my bloodstream because I was suddenly light-headed. Then again chemo didn’t typically make me feel good.
    Damian kissed me on the neck again, and I had never felt the little pin-pricks that covered my body before. I ached to have him kiss me again. I wanted him to envelop me in his arms and draw me into his body and keep me there forever.
    “ Damian isn’t as strong as you are. If he falls for you, and you don’t recover, it’ll kill him.”
    I couldn’t speak for Damian. And whether or not it was a good idea didn’t matter. I knew the moment he pulled out the clippers and looked into my eyes that I was in danger of falling for Damian Lowell.

 
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Chapter 5
     
     
    November 18
    Dear Diary,
    He kissed me! A real kiss. One that left me breathless.
    I can’t get Damian’s touch out of my mind. I can still feel where his fingers treaded over my skin, where his lips pressed against me. I’d give anything to have them there again. I’ve been lying in bed for the last three hours, staring at my ceiling and picturing Damian’s Caribbean blue eyes. I don’t want to get him out of my head, but I would like to fall asleep.
    It felt so good to have him want me like that. I felt…normal.
    I wish I didn’t feel like this, though. We’re different in so many ways. I hate that I love being swept up in him. I hate how much I want to be with him. I’m opening myself up to get hurt.
    He’s not good for me, I know that. But I