orgasm with only his mouth. I was still basking
in the glow of my climax when he moved his body over mine, nudging my legs further
apart as he lowered his hips.
"Fin…" I groaned into his mouth as our lips and groins crashed together at the same
time.
***
Covered in sweat, I bolted upright in bed. Connor's arm was draped heavily across
my midsection and slid into my lap after I moved. That did not just happen, I thought to myself. I did not just have a sex dream about Fin! What the hell? But I had, my body remembered it in every way. My heart rate was racing for the Olympic
Gold and sweat glistened every inch of my skin.
I swiped at my upper lip and forehead in frustration; irritated and embarrassed by
the warm moisture between my legs that proved my body enjoyed the dream just as much
as my mind had. Connor lay on his stomach in his favorite position next to me, his
arm still resting limply in my lap. My cheeks flush as I recalled some of the things
I did with Fin in the dream…or more importantly, some of things he did to me . Part of me wanted to shake Connor awake and let the dream spew from my mouth - an
instant admission to absolve me of any further guilt. But that would do neither of
us any good. Instead, I slithered slowly out from under Connor's arm and crawled silently
out of bed. No man wanted to hear about his lover dreaming about someone else.
After pulling on the first few articles of clothing I could find in the pale moonlight,
I quietly left the room, stealing a glance over my shoulder at the dark-haired, divine
being that was asleep on the sheets. I wasn't sure if the guilt I felt was rational
or not, but it hurt regardless.
***
The dirt felt cool under my bare feet as I walked up the shadowy trail. Shoes weren't
necessary. I knew the path well, even in the dead of night. I stopped in front of
the first cabin and the sounds and smells that emanated from Fin's place not that
long ago flooded through me. It wasn't fair that he died, not after surviving the
virus. I hated Matt for taking him from us, from me . The glass windows were unlit of course, and with the curtains closed, it looked
as if the building was frozen in sleep.
With an angry sigh, I turned away from the cabin and continued up the path, passing
the entrance to the lake dock until the dirt merged with the weed-filled grass. Even
without the full moon to guide me along the way, I knew exactly where I was going.
It was a place I visited almost every day. I slowed my pace to avoid stepping on anything
sharp as I weaved in and out of a handful of tall pine trees, keeping the lake on
my left and the dense forest to my right as I slowly ascended. By the time I reached
the small outlook that faced the lake, I was slightly out of breath, more from nerves
than the exercise.
I sat down next to the mound of dirt surrounded by stones with a soft grunt. Since
I was wearing only my cut off jean shorts and Connor's t-shirt, the late night summer
air felt refreshing and cool. The moon reflected off the watery surface of the lake
below in such a way that it reminded me of a ginormous diamond. After shifting in
the dirt, I rested my right hand on the grave next to me.
"Fin…I have to let you go," I said softly.
A bird squawked somewhere in the distance and I listened to the soft creaking of the
pine tree limbs above me as they groaned from the breeze. It was a beautiful night
a perfect night.
"I'm seeing you and dreaming about you now…can't you just let me be?" I whispered to the night. After burying my face into my hands, I leaned forward onto
my bent knees and let the tears come freely. I cried until my body shook with sadness,
until I had cried myself dry.
"I have to say goodbye, Fin. I have to leave for a while… I have to let you go ." I sniffled into my arm before wiping my face on Connor's thin shirt.
"Don't go…stay…" A husky voice drifted on the breeze