Read Look Behind You for Free Online Page B

Cameron.’
    ‘Can you count backwards in threes starting from five hundred?’
    ‘497, 494, 491, 488, 485, 482, 479, 476, 473, 470—’
    ‘OK, that’s good. Can you count backwards in sevens?’
    The sevens are harder, but I manage. He recites five lines of poetry and asks me to repeat them back to him, which I do.
    He hands me a sheet of paper with various shapes on it. After I’ve studied it, he takes the paper away and says, ‘Where did you grow up?’
    ‘Here in Welwyn Garden City. Then I went to university in London and moved back here afterwards.’
    He scribbles something down. ‘What did you study at university?’
    ‘English. Then I did a teacher training course.’
    ‘Which shapes were on the piece of paper I just showed you?’
    ‘Stars, triangles, squares, oblongs, something that looked like a palm tree.’
    He tells me a sequence of words that I have to repeat back to him. Then a sequence of numbers. He holds up cards with pictures of different animals on them and asks me to call out which one he’s holding up. Finally, he closes his notes and places the pen on top. ‘Good. Very good.’
    ‘It doesn’t feel good from where I’m sitting.’
    ‘You have what is called amnesia. It could be from the bump to your head. After a concussive injury, brain cells not destroyed are sometimes left in a vulnerable state for a time but eventually heal themselves. It could also have been brought on by a delayed side effect from the antidepressants.’ He pauses, as if he’s making me aware some bad news is coming. What could be worse, though, I have no idea. ‘We did a blood test when you were admitted and found Silepine in your system, which is a sleeping tablet. Apparently, your GP prescribed it to you at the same time as the antidepressants to help you sleep. It’s possible they gave you some kind of similar reaction to what happened with the Zolafaxine.’
    ‘What? But I…they…no.’ I try to speak, but my mouth just flaps open and closed. It takes a moment for my brain to catch up with my mouth. ‘I don’t take sleeping tablets. I’ve only ever taken them once in my life when I was having trouble sleeping at university. They made me feel so terrible and drowsy the next day that I’ve never taken one since.’
    ‘Silepine aren’t like the old sleeping tablets. They don’t have the horrible drowsy effect the day after.’ He looks at his notes. ‘We only found a moderate amount in your system, but nevertheless, if you were allergic to them, it could have caused you to exhibit the same psychosis-like symptoms as before. Hallucinations and amnesia in themselves are also adverse side effects of Silepine, although, again, they’re very rare.’
    ‘Yes, but I didn’t take them. I…’ I can’t speak then. It’s just not possible. Any of this. It’s not real. How can it be? But I can’t deny I took them when a blood test proves I did.
    ‘When the hospital released you after the incident with the antidepressants, we advised you not to take any other medications. Sometimes, once you have a reaction to one it makes you more susceptible to have a reaction to other drugs.’ Dr Traynor clears his throat. ‘But it would appear that you did take them. What other explanation can there be for them being in your system?’
    ‘Why would I take them, then, if you told me not to?’ I challenge him.
    ‘I’m afraid we can only advise patients on their care. Sadly, they don’t always take our advice. Liam has mentioned you were still having trouble sleeping, so it’s possible you decided to take them anyway. Or perhaps the grief became more severe and escalated into depression once more and you wanted to harm yourself.’ He shifts uncomfortably in his chair. ‘Depression can sometimes be difficult to assess.’
    I know all about it being hard to assess. I never knew about Mum until it was too late. But even so, I stare at him with alarm. ‘You mean I…wait. You think I took them to try and kill