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isn’t home yet and probably won’t be for another hour or so. Sasha’s sleeping through the night peacefully, which is a blessing in itself. Her nightmares have become few and far between, but just when we think they may have disappeared for good, she wakes us up in the middle of the night screaming and crying.
    That poor girl has been traumatized, more so than any child should be. I know she was young, not much more than a baby when her mom split, but it definitely left its impression on her.
    I’ve done my best to make up for everything my sister had done to her little girl but shit like that leaves scars. Deep down. Hidden. I’m just hoping I can give her enough good in her life to outweigh whatever sense of abandonment she must feel.
    My palm rests against the flat switch on the wall and slides the plastic knob down to soften the overhead lights just enough for Dawson to see when he comes home later, and make my way up the stairs, stopping every few feet to pick up some random toy left behind during the day.
    I’ve been dreaming about a nice warm bath for hours now, not entirely sure I’d be able to do it, but with the house quiet and a little bit of energy left, I force myself to follow through. I’ve been so busy with doctor appointments, making costumes and baking cakes these last two days, I haven’t had any time for myself.
    That’s about to change.
    While the tub is filling in our bathroom, I quickly get rid of my clothes, throwing them into a pile nearest the hamper in the corner of the master bedroom. I look at the jeans crumpled on the floor longingly, knowing it’s probably the very last time I’ll wear them until after the baby is born.
    I’ll miss them. Especially the way they make my ass look.
    Dipping my big toe into the water, I test it and turn the large silver knob on the wall to add just a touch of cold so I don’t burn, letting another moment pass before submerging myself.
    The wall of mirrors on the wall nearest me is calling to me, begging me to glance over and take stock of what my body is changing into. I know I can’t obsess over it. It’s just going to happen anyway.
    The small bump near my belly button looks about what it did yesterday if only maybe a little rounder on the sides. I skim my fingers over it and feel the firmness to it. My hips are a little bit more plush than they used to be, but I actually like it. The femininity of them is remarkable, with the sleek lines and tight curves appearing almost overnight.
    Next… my boobs. God I really don’t think they can get much bigger. I know Dawson loves them, but, at this rate, I’m going to topple over.
    I shake my head while gathering my hair into a large fist and twisting up to clasp with a plastic clip holding tight up high enough to keep my hair dry. The tub is almost full and the little sanctuary is just what I need right now.
    Why not go all the way? I ask myself, rummaging through the large drawer of the vanity to find the small book of matches we keep in there for times like this. I strike the first stick, watching the flame appear and use my palm to huddle around it, keeping it alive as I walk from candle to candle, lighting the wicks.
    A soft amber glow lights up the room, dancing on the walls and adding instant calmness. I take a deep breath, shut the lights off and use only the flickering candlelight to lead my way over to the deep tub where I step in carefully and lower myself inch by inch until everything is submerged except for my chin.
    My body feels weightless, my stress instantly relieved as my toes stretch and wriggle under the surface. A deep breath releases and I imagine all of my tension escaping with it. I feel lighter and do it again, hoping for the same effect.
    My mind has been a crowded place the last few days, rarely quieting down and often causing me to have to ignore the thoughts that keep bubbling to the surface. Sure, they must have always been there, but I’m not sure why they’re relentless