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and the boyishness that had first drawn her to him softened her now. “I know you do. I want the best for you too, Michael. You deserve it.” She opened the car door and got out as Alan pulled into the driveway. “The coach will be driving the team from school to the field so they can get in some batting practice before the game. You can pick up Benny from work. I’ll see you there.”
    Michael was frowning. “You’re sure it’s okay?”
    “It’s okay.” She turned away and walked quickly toward Alan, who was coming down the driveway. It wasn’t okay. A door had closed and she felt sad and alone and a little inadequate.
    Was that how Michael had felt when he was married to her? What a ridiculous notion. He had always been confident in his professional abilities and totally stubborn in his belief about where men and women belonged. She had always known she was more clever than most people in abstract studies, but her father had made sure she realized that there were all sorts of intelligence in the world. The mechanic in the garage she frequented was a genius at what he did. Michael was a wonderful police detective. She had assumed Michael knew she respected him and thought of him as an equal.
    Benny would have told him. Benny made him feel ten feet tall. Perhaps it was Kate’s fault that she had been impatient about—No, she wouldn’t blame herself. Michael’s insecurities were his own, just as Kate’s were her burden. Still, that knowledge didn’t make her feel less sad . . . or uneasy. Things would be different now. If Michael didn’t marry Benny, he’d probably form another relationship. If he married again, he’d have a more stable life and want Joshua more often.
    “Okay?” Alan was looking at her in concern.
    She nodded and took the keys. Alan probably knew about Benny and Michael. Partners usually were aware of everything that went on with each other. “I’m fine.”
    She continued up the driveway. Joshua should be home by now. She’d ask him if he wanted to go out in the yard and have her throw a few balls. She’d look at him and see him smile and maybe find a reason to hug him. She would have to be careful; Joshua was sharp and mustn’t suspect anything.
    Joshua was still her own. She needed Joshua now.
    Phyliss met her at the door, her gaze going to the car at the curb. “Isn’t Michael coming in?”
    “He’s in a hurry. Where’s Joshua?”
    “I sent him out to play. I didn’t want him watching TV. I thought the explosion might upset him.”
    “Explosion?”
    “You didn’t hear?” Phyliss closed the door. “I’ve been watching the story on CNN. Noah Smith is dead.”
    “What?” Shock riveted her in place. “How?”
    “There was an explosion at his pharmaceutical plant.” Phyliss went over to the TV and turned on the set. “Actually, several explosions.”
    “What happened?”
    Phyliss shrugged. “They don’t know. There are all kinds of combustible chemicals at pharmaceutical plants, aren’t there?”
    “Yes.” Kate walked slowly across the room and sank down on the couch, staring at the horrible images on the screen. A woman weeping, huddled in a corner. Firemen, gurneys racing with the casualties to the ambulances, buildings in flame. “My God.”
    “They don’t have any idea how many are dead. They think it may climb to over a hundred,” Phyliss said.
    “And they’re sure Smith is one of them?”
    “They haven’t found his body yet, but he was in his office at the time of the explosion.” She nodded at the center wing of the plant that was being devoured by flame. “The firemen haven’t been able to get in there to check for survivors.”
    Kate felt sick. No one could survive in that inferno. “It’s terrible.” She felt sorry for those poor people who worked in the plant, but she had just spoken to Smith two days ago. He had called her this morning.
    And now he was gone.
    Noah Smith’s face suddenly flashed on the screen before her.
    CNN had