Read Little Kids, Big City: Tales from a Real House in New York City (With Lessons on Life and Love for Your Own Concrete Jungle) for Free Online Page A
Authors: Alex McCord, Simon van Kempen
out of it (for example, staring blankly at my computer screen and not being able to remember my full name) was difficult. I hoped that being in an altered state would spur my creativity with graphic design, but really all I could do was hold on to the one client I had at the time instead of finding new ones. After François was a year old I did manage to get some fresh on-site freelance work, and it was beyond weird to go into an office where no one knew me and or that I had a baby.
Simon
With Johan’s birth approaching, Alex and I were both concerned with how our two-year-old would react to a newcomer who’d be challenging him for our attention. We discussed this and decided that I’d take the lead with François and let her concentrate on Johan. At that point, François was a rambunctious toddler who loved to play with Daddy, and I was a daddy who loved to play with him. While this delegation of children made sense at the time, it also led to a quandary in that Alex and I separately were worried that with my concentration on François I was missing out on bonding and developing a relationship with Johan and him with me. In fact, I had to make a conscious effort to spend less time with François and more with Johan, which with me away from the house working nine plus hours a day wasn’t that easy. As our first year being parents to two children went on, François developed a regular sleep pattern of 11 hours a night while Johan napped throughout the day and slept for about seven hours at night. Eventually we all slipped into a nice pattern that worked where Alex would put François to bed at 7:30 p.m. or so and I would spend a good hour alone with Johan until she returned, gave him a final feed for the night and then he went to bed as well.
I have to admit that it probably took a full year for my feelings for Johan to rival those of François and whether or not that’s typical of how fathers react to second and subsequent children, that’s how it was for me. Now, they are well into their second and fourth years of school at the ripe old ages of four and six, and I can honestly say that there is no difference with the intensity of my love for each of them. In hindsight it’s hard to believe there was ever a stage when there was.
One of the challenges I expected to face as a father, and perhaps I’m not there yet, is that I have no immediate role model from my own life to emulate (or to not emulate as the case may be). Two months before my sixth birthday my father died and my mother, at the young age of 32, was suddenly the sole parent to four children whose ages were 13 months, almost six, nine and 11 years old. She didn’t remarry until 18 years later and so throughout my entire childhood and the remainder of the time I spent living in Australia my parenting was solely conducted by a woman. Sure, I watched Fred McMurray in My Three Sons as a young boy, but I’m not sure that those secondhand childhood memories of a fictional TV program featuring fatherhood in America were going to help me much when it came time to be a dad myself.
Simon, His Father (François) and Baby Brother Adam
I suppose the abiding promise I made to myself and Alex (and silently to the boys) was that I was determined to last on this planet long after their sixth birthdays… and 16th and 26th and perhaps even Johan’s 36th as well. Here’s hoping.
10 TOP MEMORIES OF RANDOM THINGS WE DID WHILE IN THE POST-BIRTH HAZE:
10. While changing François’ diaper on day one or two, we both stood mesmerized by the changing pad as meconium oozed out of him. It was really the most bizarre and fascinating thing I’d seen to date.
9. We took baby Johan for drinks at the Mercer Kitchen when he was 48 hours old.
8. Alex - I worked as a location manager on a low-budget film produced by childless 20-some things, buzzing around Manhattan and Brooklyn negotiating space deals with François strapped to my chest. This was the first
Simon
With Johan’s birth approaching, Alex and I were both concerned with how our two-year-old would react to a newcomer who’d be challenging him for our attention. We discussed this and decided that I’d take the lead with François and let her concentrate on Johan. At that point, François was a rambunctious toddler who loved to play with Daddy, and I was a daddy who loved to play with him. While this delegation of children made sense at the time, it also led to a quandary in that Alex and I separately were worried that with my concentration on François I was missing out on bonding and developing a relationship with Johan and him with me. In fact, I had to make a conscious effort to spend less time with François and more with Johan, which with me away from the house working nine plus hours a day wasn’t that easy. As our first year being parents to two children went on, François developed a regular sleep pattern of 11 hours a night while Johan napped throughout the day and slept for about seven hours at night. Eventually we all slipped into a nice pattern that worked where Alex would put François to bed at 7:30 p.m. or so and I would spend a good hour alone with Johan until she returned, gave him a final feed for the night and then he went to bed as well.
I have to admit that it probably took a full year for my feelings for Johan to rival those of François and whether or not that’s typical of how fathers react to second and subsequent children, that’s how it was for me. Now, they are well into their second and fourth years of school at the ripe old ages of four and six, and I can honestly say that there is no difference with the intensity of my love for each of them. In hindsight it’s hard to believe there was ever a stage when there was.
One of the challenges I expected to face as a father, and perhaps I’m not there yet, is that I have no immediate role model from my own life to emulate (or to not emulate as the case may be). Two months before my sixth birthday my father died and my mother, at the young age of 32, was suddenly the sole parent to four children whose ages were 13 months, almost six, nine and 11 years old. She didn’t remarry until 18 years later and so throughout my entire childhood and the remainder of the time I spent living in Australia my parenting was solely conducted by a woman. Sure, I watched Fred McMurray in My Three Sons as a young boy, but I’m not sure that those secondhand childhood memories of a fictional TV program featuring fatherhood in America were going to help me much when it came time to be a dad myself.
Simon, His Father (François) and Baby Brother Adam
I suppose the abiding promise I made to myself and Alex (and silently to the boys) was that I was determined to last on this planet long after their sixth birthdays… and 16th and 26th and perhaps even Johan’s 36th as well. Here’s hoping.
10 TOP MEMORIES OF RANDOM THINGS WE DID WHILE IN THE POST-BIRTH HAZE:
10. While changing François’ diaper on day one or two, we both stood mesmerized by the changing pad as meconium oozed out of him. It was really the most bizarre and fascinating thing I’d seen to date.
9. We took baby Johan for drinks at the Mercer Kitchen when he was 48 hours old.
8. Alex - I worked as a location manager on a low-budget film produced by childless 20-some things, buzzing around Manhattan and Brooklyn negotiating space deals with François strapped to my chest. This was the first
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