Read Little Fish for Free Online Page B

couldn't see Anna now, not after what had happened with Calder. Christ, I had set her up with him! I had so happily looked forward to them being the perfect couple, so right for each other in every way, and he was over here the previous night kissing me. What kind of friend was I? I put Anna in this position only for her to be hurt. Obviously he hadn't told her, and I couldn't look into her face and see her happy smile and tell her the truth. "I'm sick, Anna. I can't."
    "Want me to make you some soup or something?" I heard her call through the door, and I felt wicked, burning tears prick at the corners of my eyes. I pressed the palms of my hands against my face roughly, feeling my eye sockets become uncomfortably compressed until the tears stopped themselves.
    "No, I'm just gonna sleep. I'll call you later." My voice didn't sound like my own, all scratchy and false. Lying to Anna made me feel like I'd just kicked a homeless puppy, and once more I felt that numbness try to creep back into my psyche.
    "Oh, okay. Well feel better, hun!" I heard her footsteps go down the empty hallway, I assumed back to her apartment. My throat still burned with the bile that I had swallowed back down, and the urge to cry overtook me again. I wanted to just disappear, not have to feel any of this insanity, this complete and utter bullshit, anymore. I looked through bleary eyes to see my cellphone on the table beside that damned taunting piece of plastic and wires no bigger than a quarter. I hadn't had the strength to break it yet, and it sat there accusingly staring me in the face. I reached lazily for my cellphone instead, going through my contacts until I found the 'D' section.
    "Hey, Winnie! Long time, no talk. How's LA treating you?" Dan Vidalia's voice was so soothing to me, a sound that made me feel at home and safe, like a security blanket. He had been the most stable thing in my life, despite only being in it for a few years of my late teens. Dan was my dad, as far as I was ever concerned. I needed his advice.
    "Um, it's different for sure," I tried to sound like a normal human being instead of the hollow shell I felt like. I curled up against myself as tightly as I could. "I need to talk to you about something. I don't really have anyone to talk to out here, y'know?"
    "Sure, kiddo. What's going on?" He said congenially enough, as if the fact that I hadn't called since my first week in LA meant absolutely nothing. The thought that he wasn't mad at me for not getting ahold of him more often made me want to crawl out of my skin a little less, but still I felt bad to just call and unload on him. But then again, that was the kind of person Dan was: He liked to care for others. I sometimes think that's why he stayed with my mother as long as he did, because he liked trying to piece together our shitty little family and make it seem whole. I certainly never minded any.
    "Well, a lot actually. But, um, I found Calder out here. Totally by accident. And... I don't know, things got messed up," I heard my voice break when I said 'up', and the tears began to fall again. God damn it. I heard Dan sigh after a pause, like he was preparing himself for the worst. I could imagine him taking off his glasses and rubbing the brim of his nose between his thumb and forefinger like he always did when he got stressed out.
    "Winnie, I have a feeling I already know what you're going to tell me, so can I just tell you some stuff and try to explain myself?" His voice sounded almost pained, and my stomach twisted into knots uncomfortably. I rested my cheek against the phone, ready to listen.
    "Go for it."
    Dan sighed once more. "Well, you know Calder and I always had a difficult relationship. After Maria passed away, he started thinking that he needed to act out to get my attention. Never made an effort at school, fucked off with his friends, you remember how he was. And once I and your mother got together it just got worse. I loved you all very much, but Calder... I