Traian puts his computer to sleep, she glimpses his desktop photo, itâs one sheâd e-mailed him from Afghanistan. Sheâs happy he liked it. Itâs of a girl his age, staring sternly, willfully, at the soldier taking her picture. She seems to be asking him what heâs doing there, in her village, and yet also to be waiting, almost expecting something. Disappointment and innocence mingle with each other in that gaze, and when Lorenzoâwho had taken the photo in Qalâa-i-Shakhrak during an inspection of the school they were buildingâshowed it to her, she had recognized something familiar in it. When the screen goes blank Manuela is suddenly relieved, though she canât explain why.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
That afternoon, Teodora wants to go to the movies, to see a comedy, to have a few laughs. At the Parco Leonardo multiplex: twenty-four theaters, plenty of parking, shops, an ultramodern place that doesnât seem to belong in Fiumicino. Manuela doesnât feel up to being with all those people yet, she might have a panic attack. She says so, bluntly, and Teodora apologizes with the same bluntness for not having thought of that, and hastens to say that of course sheâll skip it. Itâs a stupid movie, anyway. But Manuela knows that Teodora wants to go to remember her husband, because that was one of his stubborn habits, the only pleasure he allowed himself. Manuelaâs father went to the movies only once a year, always on Christmas Day. And Teodora shouldnât have to give that up because, six months after the attack, the daughter of the father of her son still canât handle a crowd. Itâs not fair. Manuela begs, insists, and in the end Teodora heads off on her own, in her fake fur coat, her hair freshly coiffed, to see a comedy she wonât even enjoy, but that her husband would have liked. Itâs the only way she has of letting him know that she loved him, that she still misses him.
Manuela stays and plays video games with Traian. He lets her choose the game, like a challenger in a duel who lets his opponent choose the weapon. Dubious, she studies the covers, on which square-jawed supermen, armed to the teeth, roar. The titles are all menacing: Assassinâs Rage, Battlefield, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, Medal of Honor. Her brother collects the most brutal shoot-âem-ups, in which he plays the hero who exterminates one human being after another, mowing them down with machine guns, blasting them apart with missiles, crushing them under a tank. Most are set in Iraq or Afghanistan. The protagonist is either a new recruit or a marine. Manuela worries that all the violence is having a negative impact on him. Traian worships weapons. Teodora says he surfs violent extremistsâ websites, and ordered an AK-47 on the Internet once. Luckily it was a scam, and in the end he just lost some money. âTraian,â Manuela says, âI heard you flunked, that youâre repeating freshman year.â âThe teacher and I didnât get along,â he mopes. âThis yearâs better, mostly.â âAre you doing your homework?â she asks, regretting it right away because she thinks she sounds like his mother. âCan you come see the tournament finals?â Traian asks, slipping a DVD out of its case. âIâm not a sub anymore, I sent the regular fullback to the bench, weâre going to win the cup, and if I score Iâm going to dedicate my goal to you.â In the end he chooses the game: Sniper. Manuela reminds herself that she should tell Teodora to keep an eye on him. Every time she sees him, she finds him more deeply immersed in virtual realities, more indifferent to whatâs going on around him. But she never does, because she recognizes herself in that willful, wayward boy.
At twelve she was a toothpick with constantly scraped knees, long, wild hair, bangs that hid her eyes, filthy fingernails, a frayed
Alexis Abbott, Alex Abbott