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pick.”  I was feeling petulant.  I knew this wasn't earning me any therapy brownie points but I was so raw I could bleed.  I wanted to bleed.  I wanted the pain that only a razor could bring.  It would be a hell of a lot better than facing the demons that raged inside me.  The demons that on days like today seemed to never be far from completely obliterating me. 
     
                     Dr. Todd didn't say anything, he just watched me as I processed what I had just said.  “I'm angry.  With everyone.  My parents are easy.  They fucking suck.  They've never been parents.  They just stuck my ass in here to rot.”  I gave a humorless laugh.  “They wanted me to lose it.  They wanted an excuse to get rid of me.  Too bad for them, I'm gonna get out of here and live my life,” I said vehemently and I saw Dr. Todd try to cover his smile. 
     
                    He nodded.  “You're feelings are definitely understandable.  But more importantly, you are seeing that you are in control of your life, not your parents.  You having control is what will help you move forward.”  Sometimes Dr. Todd sounded like Ghandi or something.  I could get annoyed by it, or I could hear his words for what they were.  The truth.
     
                     “I'm mad at Ruby for making it so easy to deny what I was doing to everyone around me.  If she had just laid it on the line, told me she knew what I was doing...”  My words trailed off and Dr. Todd cut in.
     
                      “You would have gotten help?  Stopped cutting?” he asked me pointedly.  I arched my eyebrow, seeing what he was doing.  He was trying to make me see how irrational that anger was.  He was walking a very fine line.  I could either get ragingly pissed or acknowledge the validity of what he was saying.  It could go either way really. 
     
                    For the moment I ignored the delicate balancing act and continued with my train of thought.  “I'm mad at myself for being such a fucking waste.  For screwing up everything in my life.  For not holding it together and letting my parents win,” I ended softly.  I ground my clenched fists into my eyes, feeling a headache start behind them. 
     
                      “And Maggie?”  Dr. Todd asked quietly and I dropped my hands into my lap.  Maggie.  I was mad at her.  Really flipping angry. 
     
                     I grit my teeth.  “I’m angry at her for making me feel, for a few moments, that I could have a normal life!” I said too loudly.  I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down.  When I felt I could keep going without blowing a gasket, I started talking again.  “I’m mad at Maggie for giving me something that nearly killed me to lose when I invariably fucked everything up.  For showing me what perfect looked like right before I destroyed it.  I'm angry as hell because she built back up what I had broken, she gave me everything; a life, a future.  And now it's gone.”  My voice cracked and I felt traitorous tears slip down my face.  I wiped them away furiously.  Damn it!  I hated it when I devolved into this. 
     
                     I took another deep breath, feeling my body shaking with emotion.  Now that I had admitted it, I felt...better. See there boys and girls, therapy does work.
     
                    Dr. Todd was looking at me, that impenetrable calm firmly in place. How I wondered what was really going on in that head of his.  Was he really that serene or was he just as fucked up as the rest of us?  What I wouldn’t give to know.
     
                    “That was hard to admit, Clay.  Thank you.”  He leaned forward so his elbows rested on his knees.  “You're feelings about Maggie are intense.  They are all tangled up with pain and loss.  You can't separate the love from the hurt and