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reasons I bailed. Because there was no way I was going to let my parents pay for school after everything that happened. Because I was determined to change my life and take care of myself.
              He takes a deep breath of salty, scrubbed-clean air and throws me another version of that lazy, sexy smile. “And let me get this straight. You’ve seriously never seen the ocean?”
              I nod. I don’t know why, but I feel embarrassed by this fact. Like I’m not as experienced. Or wordly or something. Probably because I’m not.
              “Awesome. Let’s do this up.” A confident smile covers his face.  He rests his rough hand on the small of my back to lead me toward the water.
              “Okay,” I say. But what I want to say is, Can we leave because when you touch me all soft and sweet like that, I want you . Bad.
              We walk down the beach to the water. There are a half dozen guys on surfboards, sitting out in the vast expanse. Just sitting. I don’t get it at first. Until I really relax and look at the water.
              “So it’s safe to say you’ve never surfed? Unless there’s some kind of Pennsylvania lake and stream surfing we ocean dwellers don’t know about,” he says with a small laugh.
              “That’s a negative.” My feet sink into the soggy sad. It’s slimy and cold and wonderful.
              “I’ll teach you someday. If you want. But you need to be ready to surrender to me, body and soul. Surfing isn’t just a sport, it’s really an art form.” His eyes are a warm, light brown, and they shine when he talks about the ocean and surfing.
              The passion in his eyes transforms him in a way that’s even more appealing, even more crazily attractive, and it honestly throws me off balance. I’m already slipping dangerously deep into lust and maybe more than like. So I attempt to joke it away. “Oh Jesus, dramatic much?” I swat him playfully in the ribs before I realize. "Shit! I forgot about the tat. Sorry!"
              He cracks a smile around his wince and shakes his head. “Damn, you’re lucky you’re gorgeous.”
              We stand there for a while, like the surfers out in the water. Just watching the waves lap up onto the sand with a fricative whisper. The biggest body of water I’ve ever seen is Lake Erie. I remember going on summer vacations there when we were younger in the RV. I’d get up early, before everyone else and go and stand by the lake. It felt massive, and I was just a minuscule speck. I feel the same way right now, staring out into the Pacific. Totally and completely insignificant.
              “Come on, there’s something I want to show you.” Deo is wriggly-puppy excited, and it’s a weird contrast, his bald, uninhibited energy mixed with his laid-back, tough-guy sexiness. I stay back a few paces, watching the confident way he walks back up the beach. He’s shirtless, though there is a wrap covering his new tattoo, and his board shorts are slung low around his waist. The sun beats down onto his back, deepening his tan by the minute, but he it’s like he isn’t even aware of his clothes or lack or clothes or body.
    I, on the other hand, feel like every single person must be staring at me, because I’m practically naked in public. I wasn’t lying about my choice of swimwear; this is the first time I’ve worn this or any bikini. My best friend back home, Lindsey bought it for me as a going-away present. She said it was a first step, a necessity in my new life.
    We walk for a while, Deo glancing over his shoulder every few paces to make sure I’m behind him. I’ve lost my footing several times, and, I swear, all I need to add on to my feeling of being watched by every person in a mile radius is to eat shit on these rocks in this bathing