before John Bull got them thinking they might be human. I donât see this being any different from the corporations controlling Third World labour. All those educated ceos exploiting the peasants. Weâre exploiting the peasants because we buy all that crap they make for a dollar a year.
Power tells us to say a prayer or at least bow our heads in memory of the twelve homicide victims in our area already this year. This guy kills me.
Kadylakâs diarrhea from the chemo is worse. Sheâs got sores on her mouth, anus and vagina. Peeing is torture so sheâs refusing liquids, which is a concern. She canât concentrate on anything. I try reading to her but sheâs not listening. I get her a freezie, pick up the remote and surf, but thereâs nothing she wants to watch. I turn it off and listen to the whirr of the hospital for what feels like a couple of hours.
âGod is bigger than a tree,â she says.
I donât argue.
âGod is a spirit,â she says. âBigger than the universe. They teach us that in church.â
Her sheet and blanket are in a tangle at the foot of her bed. âAre you too hot?â I ask. âOr do you want me to straighten these out?â
âIs it time for me to go to heaven?â
âDefinitely not,â I say. âItâs just the chemo. Itâs always like this.â
âIt wasnât this bad before.â
I donât tell her it was but didnât seem as bad because it was her first and second time. By round three youâre familiar with the suffering, you wait for it, fear it. I tell her about the kids in the out-patient clinic who come in for maintenance, whoâve gone through what sheâs going through and have no cancer. Kids with new hair who are back at school kicking balls around.
âDo you want to go to the playroom?â I ask, trying to change topics. She doesnât answer, just stares up at the bird mobile her dad hung up for her. She loves birds.
âWhyâs my mum always crying?â she asks.
âSheâs sad because of all the chemo and the pokes youâre getting. She knows youâre hurting.â
I saw her mother on the way in. She was scurrying to her night cleaning job. She looks about ninety.
âThereâs a blue jayâs nest in our backyard,â I say. âYou can see the chicks poking their heads up and squawking any time one of their parents is around with food. Itâs like theyâre squealing, âMe, me, me!â Youâd think theyâd be quieter so no predators could hear them.â
âWhatâs predators?â
âAnimals who eat them.â
âThe babies donât know that they can be eaten,â Kadylak says. âThatâs why they donât keep quiet. They donât know that they can die.â
I stroke her forehead until she goes to sleep. I know sheâll wake up in agony in a couple of hours and no one will be here. Sheâll rock and rock, calling for her parents. I tuck Mischa the bear into her arms.
Now that she doesnât have a day job, and when she isnât ambushing felines, Drew waters the plants every two seconds, rotting the roots. Sheâs slouched at the kitchen table surrounded by dead vegetation. âMaybe they need plant food,â she says. Sheâs still in Damianâs PJS . Her only contact with the outside world is the newspaper. She reads every single page, which is enough to stop anybody going out.
âMaybe you shouldnât read that all the time,â I say. âItâs all under corporate control anyway.â
âOne of those fucking cats killed a bird,â she says. Sheâs eating peanut butter again. âIt was flapping its wings but was too injured to fly.â She stares at the sandwich. âI didnât know what to do. So I did nothing.â
âChasing the cat off would have lengthened its suffering,â I say.
âI want to
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