told them that a Bosnian national had somehow gotten into the compound and assaulted her. Dismay mingled with relief as they took the report but didn’t really seem too interested, as though it happened all the time and they were powerless to do anything about it. They decided she needed some stitches, then gave her some antibiotics to take and sent her back to her bunk. No psychologist. No chaplain. No concern. Nothing.
When she got back to her bunk, Laura wanted to cry, but she couldn’t. She tried, but nothing happened. A numbness set in, and she lay in her bunk and tried to sleep, but that didn’t happen either. Instead, she lay there awake all night, and all the nights to follow.
February 1996
“EOD Specialist Billings? Can you hear me? EOD Specialist Billings?” Laura tried to make sense of what was going on around her, but she couldn’t. She was cold, really cold, and everything was white. Her head was buzzing, and she couldn’t figure out where the sound was coming from.
“She’s going into shock,” she heard a voice floating somewhere above her say. Then everything got dark.
When she finally woke again, her ears were assaulted by a sound that was so loud it was painful. What had happened to her? Why did she hurt everywhere?
An air medic looked down into her face and saw her open eyes. “EOD Specialist Billings! Hold tight! We’ll be off the ground in a few minutes! Are you in any pain?” he yelled over the sound of the helicopter’s rotors.
“Wha . . . wha . . .” Laura mumbled, but she couldn’t make her mouth form the words.
“We’re flying you out now,” he yelled. “Do you remember what happened? The ordnance exploded. Remember?” No, Laura didn’t remember. She had no idea what had happened.
“We’ll be off the ground in about thirty seconds, but you’ll be fine – eventually.” She heard squawking over his helmet headset, then he said, “Someone wants to see you before we take off. It’ll be just a minute.”
She tried to remember what had taken place, but everything was fuzzy. Then she remembered the sound – like a cannon going off. There was the sensation of flying, and nothing else. She blinked to clear the blurriness in her eyes, and she heard something, someone, nearby.
Sergeant Wagner looked down into her face. “Well, well, well, EOD Specialist Billings! How are you? You gave us quite a scare!” His voice was sympathetic, but there was something in his eyes that scared the shit out of her. “That was some bomb, huh? It threw you fifty feet! I guess you’re kinda sore, huh?” he yelled above the rotor noise, then added, “If you know what I mean.”
She knew exactly what he meant. Bastard. Why was he there rubbing it in? It was bad enough that she’d had the accident. Why did he have to come there and make everything worse, remind her what they’d done to her the month before?
“You know, that blast would’ve killed most people,” he yelled. “No one knows how you managed to live through it. Guess you were just lucky.” He looked down at her, got close to her face, and spoke low so the medic couldn’t hear him. “You won’t be so lucky next time. I don’t make the same mistake twice.” With that, he disappeared from her vision, but she heard him say, “Get well, Billings. The guys are counting on you.” Then she felt the chopper wobble as it lifted off.
Laura’s heart almost stopped. Wagner had tried to kill her. She didn’t know if he’d messed with her body armor or the explosive device, or exactly what he’d done, but he’d done it, practically confessed to it. And there wasn’t one damn thing she could do about it.
She tried to quiet her mind, but she was just too scared, and there was no one she could tell. And if she did tell someone, their life would be in danger too. She was starting to feel panicky when the medic broke into her thoughts.
“Billings, you’re one lucky young woman, but your injuries are still very