laughter erupt from the seats on either side of where we were sitting. Obviously people were listening in and agree that she is a rueful bitch.
I dial Austin's number but after several rings it goes to voicemail. Next I try Mason and its the same thing. Last, I call my dad. Fuck. Everyone is busy. Its middle of the day during a work week, of course they're all busy! I'll just head back to Cassie's place. She is probably gone by now, and if she isn't, I'm sure as shit she'll be hiding out from me. She is good at keeping people away when she wants to.
Once I'm parked, of course next to Cassie's car, I slide off the bike and make my way in. I can only fucking hope she is with Aubrey or someone but I'm sure I have no such luck. I wiggle the knob and its unlocked so I enter the place. I either need to get shit straightened out with her and get a key, or I need to pack my shit up and head to my dad’s. I won't bother with it right now though, instead I head to my room.
I lay down and drum my fingers, whistling out a tune I've been working on. I'm almost finished with it but now I'm thinking its all for nothing. A crash stops me mid verse and I listen with more focus. I hear her feminine voice yell out a curse. There is music playing softly in her room and it makes me wonder if she even knows I'm here.
Not sure what to do, I continue to lay here and wonder what is going on in there. What she is doing and if she just dropped something or if she intentionally broke something. Is she that upset? She is either unfocused or pissed, but either way I know the reason behind it. Its the same reason I'm both unfocused and pissed.
Of course when it comes to her I can’t resist, so I stand up and make my way towards the hall. I listen outside her door for a moment and I can hear talking. Or singing? I press my ear a little closer to the door and its obvious she is talking. She is arguing. With herself. I can't help the smile on my lips because it is way too funny. She is muttering to herself about how pissed she is, how many mistakes she’s made, how to make things right.
After what has probably been ten minutes I knock on her door. I know she hears me because her voice immediately cuts out. I slowly open her door and lean against the threshold as she stays paused in the middle of the floor. Her room is disastrous. Clothes are thrown all over the place, pictures tossed all over her bed, paper ripped up here and there. Her face is streaked in tears, and both her cheeks and neck are blotchy.
I walk towards her as she shakes in place and I wrap her in my arms. "Its okay Cassie. I don't hate you."
"I hate myself," she mutters.
I didn't realize it'd hurt to breath just by having her so damn close to me yet so fucking far from me.
I almost can't help the tears welling in my eyes. She is obviously hurting a lot, and stressed, and scared. I look towards the bed and realize the paper that is ripped up is all the letters I sent her while gone. I wonder if she read them before now or if this is the first time. The pictures are mostly of us but I do spot two of her and Pierce together. She has a shoe box filled with random things, half of them still in the box, some laying on her bed, others on the floor next to the bed. She is in full stress mode.
"This can't be healthy..."
She cuts me off. "Its fine."
"Okay," I whisper. Shit. I thought I was going to stay away from her, at least right now. I can't. I want to help her, to protect her. I want to be everything she needs. But its very obvious I'm the last thing she needs right now. In fact, I should probably leave her alone. I just, I just