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giggling—I can’t help it—and someone next to me starts giggling too, and swiftly the entire group is howling with laughter.
    Ross has grabbed Plum by one arm and is hauling her off the table. She slips and spins around as he grabs her, and her feet kick the air. People start screaming and ducking as her long pointy heels whip scarily close to them. I duck down too, partly not to get a heel in my face (I notice that Plum is wearing ankle boots like mine, which goes to show how spot-on the salesgirl at the boutique was in advising me to buy them), and partly to see if I can spot Taylor. It’s such a free-for-all by now, though, that there are so many bodies down here with me I can’t see anything at all. I try to crawl, but someone bumps into me from behind and I get stuck.
    A deep voice is booming above the table and suddenly there’s a wave of shoving and pushing. Panicky, I manage to get my feet under me and stand up, scared I’m going to get trampled, and as I come up level with the table again I see several bouncers, head and shoulders taller than everyone else, their big black-clad arms reaching out to clear the area. One of them is yelling:
    “Everyone back up! Back up right now!”
    I still haven’t seen Taylor, which is making me frantic for her safety. I try to slip under the arm of the bouncer in front of me, but he catches me and pushes me back roughly. And just then, on the other side of the area they’re trying to clear, half hidden behind the burly shoulder of another bouncer, I see a shock of blond hair, ruffled up messily. Below it is a pink and white face, its eyes round with shock, its mouth open ditto, and as its eyes meet mine, its lips move and it mouths “Scarlett?”
    Oh God. It’s Simon. Simon, who had a crush on me and got me invited to that fateful party where my life went completely off the safe and sensible rails on which it had been running up till that point. Simon, who tried to chat me up at the party, but was sent packing by Dan. Simon, who’s still calling “Scarlett!” at me and struggling to get past the bouncer who’s holding him back, which would be funny if the situation weren’t so dire, because it’s like watching a Chihuahua trying to fight a rottweiler.
    My only hope is to get out of here right now and pray that Simon thinks he made a mistake in recognizing me. At least I’ve had the presence of mind not to acknowledge him in any way. I slip back till I’m completely concealed behind the huge bulk of the bouncer beside me, and then I just keep going, retracing my steps, down the stairs and out of the VIP area. At the back of the room, I turn to get a last look at the chaos still raging up on the dais. One of the bouncers has grabbed Plum and is frog-marching her down the steps.
    I know I should get the hell out of here, but I can’t resist waiting for a moment to see what happens next.
    “No dancing on tables!” the bouncer’s yelling at Plum. “House rules! No dancing on tables!”
    “Don’t you know who I am?” Plum screams in fury.
    “You could be Princess Beatrice and you still couldn’t dance on the table!” the bouncer booms back at her. “Now settle down, or you’ll be barred for life!”
    Ross runs down the steps and starts saying something to the bouncer. I see him reach into his jacket pocket and I assume he’s going for his wallet, trying to bribe him so he won’t bar Plum. Reluctantly, I turn away. I still can’t see Taylor up in the VIP area, so I duck into a side room and pull out my phone, thumbing out a frantic text:
    U OK?!
    No immediate answer. I wait for what seems like ages. By now, everyone’s heard that there’s been a riot in the VIP area, and people flood toward the archway that leads into it till a couple of bouncers appear and block the way. A few people emerge, but not Taylor. I’m on tenterhooks by now, all kinds of scenarios frantically running through my head: she’s been injured, she’s trapped under the table,