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I needed to escape from Glen House. A way was being offered to me. If I refused to take it, might I not be regretful for the rest of my life?

    Gabriel came to dine with us occasionally. My father always roused himself on such occasions and was a tolerable host. I could see that he did not dislike Gabriel. Fanny’s 30 lips would curl in a sardonic smile when Gabriel was in the house. I knew that she was thinking that he was making use of our hospitality while he was in the neighbourhood, and that when the time came for him to leave he would do so and promptly forget us. Fanny, who was determined to give nothing, was always afraid that people were going to take something away from her.
    There were sly references to my ” hopes” regarding Gabriel. She had never married and believed that it was the woman who desired that state in cold blood because it meant that she must be fed and clothed for the rest of her life. As for the man who had to provide the food-and clothing, he would naturally seek to “get what he wanted ” Fanny’s expression without giving more than he could help. Fanny’s values were material. I longed to escape from them, and I knew ‘that with each day I was withdrawing myself farther and farther from Glen House and feeling closer and closer to Gabriel.

    May was with us and the days were warm and sunny; it was a joy to escape to the moors. Now we talked of ourselves and there was a certain feverishness about Gabriel. He always seemed to me like a man who was looking over his shoulder at some pursuer, while he was desperately conscious of passing time.

    I made him tell me about his home, and he was willing enough to do so now. I felt this to be because he had already convinced himself that I would marry him and that it would not be only his home but mine.

    In my imagination it was a hazy, grey edifice comprised of ancient stones. I knew there was a balcony because Gabriel talked of it often ; I pictured the scene from that balcony, for Gabriel had described it to me many times. The balcony was evidently a favourite spot of his.
    I knew that from it it was possible to see the river winding its way through the meadows ; the woods, which in some places went down to the river’s edge, and a quarter of a mile from the house those ancient piles of stone, those magnificent arches which the years had not been able to destroy; and across the wooden bridge, away beyond the river, the wild moorland country.

    But what were houses compared with the people who lived in them? I learned by degrees that Gabriel, like myself, had no mother, she had been advanced in years when he was conceived, and when he came into the world she went out of it. Our motherless ness was a further bond between us.

    He had a sister, fifteen years older than himself a widow 31 with a seventeen-year-old son; he also had a father who was very old.

    ” He was nearly sixty when I was born,” Gabriel told me. ” My mother was forty. Some of the servants used to say I was the afterthought’; others used to say I killed my mother. “

    I was immediately angry because I knew how such careless comments could hurt a sensitive child. ” How ridiculous!” I cried, my eyes flashing with anger as they always did over what I considered injustice.
    Gabriel laughed, took my hand and held it very tightly.

    Then he said seriously: ” You see I cannot do without you. I need you to protect me against the cruel things that are said of me.”

    ” You are no longer a child,” I replied somewhat impatiently ; and when I analysed my impatience I found it grew out of my desire to protect him. I wanted to make him strong enough not to be afraid.

    ” Some of us remain children until we die.”

    ” Death 1” I cried. “Why do you harp continually on death?”

    ” It’s true that I do,” he said. ” It’s because I am so anxious to live every minute of my life to the full.”

    I did not understand what he meant then; and I asked to hear more