accidental kiss between us that I remember. But it’s not like it could never
be possible. It’s clear the way Luke feels even though the timing sucks.
“How
long have you felt this way?”
“Since
I met you I knew you were special, I just couldn’t pin point how. I know you
don’t know it, but you’ve changed me in a lot of ways.”
I
find myself questioning this change in Luke. What would it really mean
if we advanced our friendship and what if it turned out to be a mistake? Unlike
Luke, I didn’t have a train of companions coming and going from my life in high
school.
I
look around me not focusing on anything, just searching for the right words but
come up empty. Normally people just flow from friends into a relationship. Luke
and I are so far past that point. We know everything about each other. I do not
know if I can proclaim any strong feelings just now. However, I can’t deny that
eighth grade crush still lingers.
As I think
of how I do care for Luke, how I feel safe and happy when we are together, a
nagging feeling surfaces inside me. I can’t put my finger on what it is but it
feels like a warning telling me something is not right. I rub my stomach,
suspecting the ice cream as the culprit.
Impatiently
Luke shifts. He drums the tips of his fingers against the palm of his hand.
This
will be the first brick in my rebuilding , I tell myself. I take
a deep breath and with a lone promise, I’m ready to control this change in my
life.
“Ok,
let’s try this.”
At
first Luke appears confused but quickly he catches on.
“Maybe
I’m just…I don’t know…I just want to make sure you don’t feel like just ‘cause
I’m sittin’ here you feel obligated or anything.” Luke sputters. His
nervousness is cute.
“No
of course not. I’m ready; I need to do something with my life. I need to pick a
direction and just go.”
“That’s
good but, I don’t want this to be a pass time between locations, you know? I’m
serious Kimber, ‘bout us.”
“That’s
not what I meant. I’m just stuck in this horrible rut, I’m alone and I seem to
be my worst enemy. Now I don’t have to be. With you it’s like a whole new
direction with new possibilities.”
Luke
smiles, “Ok, but just to make things official,” he takes my hands in his,
“Kimber, will you do me the honor of being my girlfriend?”
Such
an innocent word stirs a dislike within me but I still answer, “Yes.”
With
a saucy look Luke motions for us both to stand. As soon as I’m out of the
plastic red booth he pulls me into his arms. I cannot help but think how I am
no longer hugging a friend but quite possibly my new permanent boyfriend. It
feels nice and the thought actually makes me feel happy.
The
only problem is once again I feel like there is something missing. I’m sick of
feeling like there’s something I’m forgetting. Tired of its pull for an object
or memory I cannot produce. I hate how the tighter Luke holds me the more
aggressive it feels. I struggle within myself to retain some kind of control. I
will not let my happiness be hindered with nothingness.
“Kimber.”
As
I look up to give Luke my lost attention, he leans down into me. His lips are
soft but firm against mine. At first I don’t know what to do. I can’t even
calculate the last time I had a boy kiss me but this is it, our first kiss. You
only get one, so as Luke’s hand finds its way up my back and into my hair, I
encircle him in my arms and give it all I have. Every sense in my body is
alert. Every movement his tongue makes mine mimics. After so long I slightly
pull away needing a full gulp of air. Luke’s blue eyes pear into mine with such
happiness.
“ My
word !” A single older woman says as she walks by holding her ice cream.
“Ah,
she’s just mad I’m all yours now.” Luke says kissing the top of my head.
I
laugh and as I turn to look over Luke’s shoulder at the woman, it catches my
eyes. My heart sinks. It
Bride of a Scottish Warrior