I didn’t think she meant for me to use it quite like this. I can’t believe I fell asleep. Well, actually I can . Cas and his magic cock wore me out. Thoughts of what Cas had done to my body made me shiver and I gave myself a mental slap. Now is not the time, Sarah. Still, it was hard not to compare tonight against my very limited past experiences.
The week after my seventeenth birthday, I met Timothy MacCallan at the coffee shop where I work. After six weeks of dating, I felt I was ready to take the relationship further. Everyone I knew was having sex except for me. Up to this point, Tim and I had kissed and fooled around a bit, but that was it. When I told him I was ready for sex, he was all in. Timothy was everything I thought I wanted in a guy. He was light to my dark, meek to my mild and very in touch with his emotions. After growing up with Max and his over-the-top alpha friends, I felt I would be better suited with someone like Timothy. Too bad he was as dull as dirt. There were no fireworks or pulse pounding moments between us. There was no crazy chemistry. I did not want to jump his bones or tear off his clothes. His kisses were nice and nice was, well…nice. Tim was a good guy who treated me like a queen. I ended up breaking his heart. The whole experience was awful. I had feelings for him, but as it turned out they weren’t sexual in nature. Of course, I didn’t discover this until the deed was over and done with. Timothy was just big enough in size to make it hurt, and it hurt…a lot. At the end of the day, we both lost out. Tim called me a few times after that night, but I never returned his calls. He stopped coming to the coffee shop and I was thankful, as I had no clue what to say to him. I had a few sexual partners following Tim, but never a relationship. Relationships were messy and messy is what gets you hurt. I learned that first hand from my brother.
I’d fought my attraction to guys like Cas for so long. Tonight’s experience with Cas made me second guess everything. Maybe this was what I had been secretly waiting for, but just didn’t realize it until now. Cas was alpha, sexy and complicated…very complicated. I wasn’t deluding myself. It was obvious the man had some issues. A few times tonight, when he thought I wasn’t looking, I saw glimpses of such sadness in his eyes. At other times, I glimpsed anger, or maybe it was bitterness. I didn’t know him well enough to judge the difference. As soon as I thought I’d figured him out, he would surprise me with kind words or witty banter. And the dirty talk during sex…I would be replaying that in my head for the next decade or two. I shouldn’t find him so intriguing. I, of all people, know how much secrets and lies can hurt. I’ve lived with both for too many years to count.
Before pulling into the driveway, I cut the lights to the car. The summer before Max sent me away he taught me how to drive. I’d perfected that skill in Scotland with Grant Hodson. Like Max, Grant loved cars. He had an old Land Rover and would take me to the country on the weekends and let me drive it. It reminded me of Max and of home.
I pulled in the driveway and stared at the garage. No way am I opening the garage door this time of night. Knowing my luck, it will wake the whole neighborhood. As quickly as possible, I locked the car and bolted around the back of the house to the patio. The second I opened the door, I knew something was wrong. The alarm wasn’t on. Maybe they forgot to turn it on tonight . I quietly closed the door and locked it behind me. Then I turned toward the stairs.
“It is after three in the morning,” Ellie calmly stated.
In the back of my mind, I knew who was talking, but it didn’t stop me from jumping out of my skin. I slapped my hands over my mouth to stifle the shriek bubbling up from my gut. My eyes shot to the sofa where Ellie was curled with a blanket over her legs.
“You scared the hell out of me!” I loudly