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ones I’d devoted myself to, had completely hurt me, broke me, and made me cynical about love. Wes restored my faith in men, in the belief that I, too, could have something that every woman in the known universe dreamed of having. True love. Only I couldn’t have it now. But with Wes, I’d experienced being made love to for the very first time, and it’s something I’ll never forget or forsake. That night was the most beautiful moment of my life. I finally felt whole…loved. No matter what the future brought, I would always have that.
    Alec Dubois, my filthy talking Frenchman was the second. God, he was lovely. From his long hair to his unique man-bun, coupled with the beard and mustache combo, he was nothing but yummy. The reminder of all that thick, rich hair sent bubbles of desire tickling along my spine. Thinking back, I’d spent most of an entire month attached to his hip, and I didn’t mind. The work he’d done, the art he’d created would show the world a piece of me that I’d never been able to demonstrate. The vulnerable, the imperfect, the lonely, the wanton, and the lost woman I’d become over the last twenty-four years was so clearly visible in his work. The entire Love on Canvas campaign was me, and for the first time, I felt beautiful. He made me see myself in a new light, and I liked it. Too much. Better yet, I was okay with the world seeing it, and I strived every day now to live up to it.
    Tony Fasano and Hector Chavez, my Chicago guys. Odd, just thinking their names made me feel lonely. With them I knew companionship. I learned that no matter what love looked like, or how hard I had to put myself out there and take risks, it had to be done. If what I wanted in life and love was meant to be, it would be worth it in the end. That’s something I was holding onto so tightly; I could only dream that one day it would ring true for me.
    Mason Murphy, the arrogant, hot shot baseball player, who had a heart of gold if you dug deep enough, ended up being the brother I never had. He liked to pretend that he was someone else, the same way I do, but really, when you got down to the heart of him, he wanted the same things we all do. Friendship, companionship, and a place and a person to call his own. And now he had it…with Rachel. She’d be that and more for him. My time with Mace helped me to realize that trying to be something I wasn’t only hurt me and the others around me.
    And then there was my sweet, loving, sexy Samoan. God, the space between my thighs ached remembering how long, thick, and hard he was. He was the biggest I’d had by far, and Wes and Alec were no slouches in the sack. With Tai, it was all about the fun, friendship, and fucking. I’d had more sex with him in one month than most single women—or couples for that matter—probably had in a year. We couldn’t get enough of each other. It was as if we both had something to prove. After all was said and done, that time together cemented our friendship in a way that we never could have without that physical connection. I knew for the rest of my life, he’d be there. His culture and the type of love he gave his friends was all encompassing and didn’t have time limits.
    Remembering each month of this past year and the experiences I’d had solidified my idea. If I didn’t do it now, I’d never do it.
    Leaving my room, I fled down the staircase and skidded to a halt. James looked up from his desk in the sitting room. “Ms. Saunders, do you need a lift?”
    “I do! Do you have time now?”
    He tipped his chin. “Of course.” He held out a hand gesturing that I walk ahead.
    Once we were in the Town Car, I pulled out my phone, did a Google search, and found exactly what I was looking for.
    “Where to?” he asked as we drove down the long winding estate road.
    “Place called Pins N Needles.”
    “The tattoo shop?” he said with surprise.
    “Yep. Hurry, too, before I change my mind.”

     

Chapter 4
     
    The buzz of the tattoo