Tags:
Fiction,
General,
Fantasy fiction,
Fiction - Fantasy,
Fantasy,
Discworld (Imaginary place),
Fantasy:Humour,
Fantasy - General,
Samuel (Fictitious character),
Vimes,
Fantasy - Series
rings?”
“Sorry, no rings mentioned.”
“Pearl necklace? Yes, that’s what—”
“Getting warmer, but no.”
“Earrings?”
“Ooo, you’re so close,” said Carrot encouragingly.
“A crown, was it? Maybe a coronet?”
Carrot leaned down to the constable. “Says here a tiara, Reg, can we let—?” He stood up. “We’re prepared to accept ‘coronet.’ Well done!”
He looked down at Constable Shoe again.
“This is all right, isn’t it, Reg? It’s not coercion, is it?”
“Can’t see how it can be, captain. I mean, they broke in, they took a hostage…”
“I suppose you’re right—”
“ Please! No! Good boy! Down! ”
“Seems to be about it, sir,” said Reg Shoe, peering around the edge of the cart. “We’ve got them down for everything but the Hide Park Flasher—”
“We did that!” screamed someone.
“—and that was a woman…”
“We did it!” This time the voice was a lot higher. “ Now please can we come out ?”
Carrot stood up and raised the megaphone. “If you gentlemen would care to step out with your hands up?”
“Are you joking?” whimpered someone, against the background of another growl.
“Well, at least with your hands where I can see them.”
“You bet, mister!”
Four men stumbled out into the street. Their torn clothing fluttered in the breeze. The apparent leader pointed an angry finger back at the doorway as Carrot walked toward them.
“The owner of that place ought to be prosecuted!” he shouted. “Keeping a wild animal like that in his strongroom, it’s disgraceful! We broke in perfectly peacefully and it just attacked us for no reason at all!”
“You shot at Constable Shoe here,” said Carrot.
“Only to miss! Only to miss!”
Constable Shoe pointed at the arrow sticking into his breastplate.
“Right where it shows!” he complained. “It’s a welding job and we have to pay for our own armor repairs and there’ll always be a mark, you know, no matter what I do.”
Their horrified gaze took in the stitch marks around his neck and on his hands, and it dawned on them that although the human race came in a variety of colors, very few living people were gray with a hint of green.
“Here, you’re a zombie! ”
“That’s right, kick a man when he’s dead,” said Constable Shoe sharply.
“And you took Corporal Angua hostage. A lady ,” said Carrot, in the same level voice. It was very polite. But it simply suggested that somewhere a fuse was burning, and it would be a good idea not to wait for it to reach the barrel.
“Yes…sort of…but she must’ve got away when that creature turned up…”
“So you left her in there?” said Carrot, still very calm.
The men dropped to their knees. The leader raised his hand imploringly.
“Please! We’re just robbers and thieves! We’re not bad men!”
Carrot nodded to Constable Shoe. “Take them down to the Yard, constable.”
“Right!” said Reg. There was a mean look in his eye as he cocked his crossbow. “I’m down ten dollars thanks to you. So you’d better not try to escape.”
“No, sir. Not us.”
Carrot wandered into the gloom of the building. Fearful faces peered out of doorways. He gave them a reassuring smile as he walked toward the strongroom.
Corporal Angua was adjusting her uniform.
“I didn’t bite anyone, before you start,” she said, as he appeared in the doorway. “Not even flesh wounds. I just tore at their trousers. And that was no bed of roses, I might add.”
A frightened face appeared round the door.
“Ah, Mr. Vortin,” said Carrot. “I think you will find that all is in order. They seem to have dropped everything.”
The diamond merchant looked at him in amazement.
“But they had a hostage—”
“They saw the error of their ways,” said Carrot.
“And…and there were snarling noises…sounded like a wolf…”
“Ah, yes,” said Carrot. “Well, you know, when thieves fall out…” Which was no kind of explanation,