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the first three principles. By this time,
they're probably even getting a little frustrated. That means it's
the perfect time
to put Principle Four into effect. It's time for you to strike ! You're going to
give those crazy Coogans a taste of their own medicine by using
several explicit retribution tactics (we'll cover specific examples
as we work through our first three principles). The Coogan Boys
need to finally get what they deserve and, if you've made it this
far, you're ready to give it to them. Trust me, if your strike is
successful, Billy and his boys will never mess with you
again.
    * * * * *
    When David first handed me his "Four
Principles" packet (yeah, it was an actual packet with the above
information in a manila folder - the word "CLASSIFIED" written
across it in permanent black marker) I wasn't quite sure what to
make of it.
    Aside from the fact that I
didn't even understand it all, I wondered if it could really work. Was David's "Four
Principles" the way to finally beat Billy Coogan?
    Once David started really teaching me the
principles, though, I knew he was serious. He'd obviously done this
before, and we spent the last few days "evading" to perfection.
    I was convinced; David's
EARS (that's what I started calling his principles - get it? Evade.
Anticipate. React. Strike. EARS) was no joke and it was going to
make the school year a hell of a lot better for me.
    * * * * *
    David started spending nearly every
afternoon over my house, hanging with Trex, and trying desperately
to avoid Dad.
    I think it took Dad about two weeks to
finally realize that David was actually a real friend and not just
some kid I'd been bribing to hang out at my house.
    One night, between sips of beer and
thunderous burps, Dad actually called me into the living room and
said, "Jimmy, have you been doing that kid's homework or something?
How are you getting him to come over here every night?"
    "He's my friend," I told him and shuffled
back to my bedroom. "My friend."
    David and I usually ended up making
ourselves a couple microwave pizzas for dinner and heading off to
my room to talk EARS, play with Trex, and avoid Dad. What, did you
really think Dad was going to make us something to eat? Not a
chance!
    The days of talking were starting to sink
in. I was really starting to get David's "Four Principles" but they
were also taking their toll on me.
    David's habit of not saying much usually
left me to do most of the talking and there were times when I
wanted to say more, times when I wanted to tell David all about my
mother and why she was gone. He'd never ask, though. I knew he'd
never just ask.
    I'd tell him bits and
pieces once in a while but never the whole story. I wanted to tell
him about how much I missed my mother. I wanted to tell him how
little my father cared, and how Trex was the only one I had left
that cared about me. But, I couldn't. I couldn't tell David all
those things not just because he wasn't much for that kind of
conversation, but because I didn't want to chase away the only
person that seemed to show any interest in me, as a friend, in
a very long
time.
    So I didn't tell David much. Just bits and
pieces here and there. And, instead, we stuck to chatting about
homework, playing with Trex, and studying EARS until I knew it
better than the alphabet.
    But that couldn't last forever and,
eventually, we ran out of things to say over the sound of my
father's constant beer-induced snoring coming from the living
room.
    So, one night, after we'd scarfed down our
microwave pizzas (peppers and onions for me; pepperoni for David)
and tossed Trex some treats, I asked David if he wanted to explore
the woods behind my house.
    "The woods?" David asked.
    "Yeah," I told him, and thought quickly for
a reason that might get David to agree to check out the woods (what
can I say? I was bored). "We can use the huge woods to practice
some of the techniques from your Four Principles."
    "Oh, ok, in that case," he said and nodded
his