himself admirably in the wars, but where exactly heâd served or what he had done, she had never known. He had a reputation as a gambler, but never sustained irreparable or even substantive losses. He had engaged in one or two duels, but why or over whom, she didnât know. And she could never ask; she couldnât risk revealing to Tom how much Aidan remained in her thoughts.
Sheâd never been able to reconcile the stories. In some he was ruthless and remote; in others he was engaging and seductive. But none described the young man sheâd loved. The Aidan she had known was confident and ambitious and witty and kind. His touch had made her feel safe long before it had made her burn.
She still remembered the day they had parted. Aidanâs fatherâan armchair patriotâhad bought his younger sons commissions as they came of age, promising a piece of land and an annuity when they defeated Bonaparte. For Sophia and Aidan, the settlement was their hope of a life together. Soon, he and his brother Colin were set to join their older brother Benjamin, an adjutant to Wellington, on the Peninsula.
Sheâd waited in her uncleâs summerhouse to say good-bye. She had determined to be brave, to let him go without crying. But when he came to herâcalling her âmy only love, my heartââhis own eyes were already wet. Sheâd touched his face, wiping his tears away. Heâd pulled her into his embrace, and theyâd made love, savoring each tender caress as if it were their last; then theyâd dressed each other tenderly, carefully, memorizing each touch.
âWill you wait for me, Sophie?â His eyes had searched hers earnestly.
âDo you promise to come home to me?â sheâd teased.
He refused to tease back. Instead, heâd pulled her into his arms and held her against his heart. âIf you are waiting, thereâs not a bullet in Boneyâs army that will keep me from you.â
She pulled back just enough to look in his eyes. âThereâs nothing in the world that would keep me from waiting. No man alive compares to you.â She put both hands on his cheeks to emphasize her words. âYou are my love, my only love.â
Heâd lifted her, laughing, and swung her around in a circle. âHow can I be so lucky that the cleverest, most beautiful girl in the whole world loves me? A girl who can ride and draw and conjugate Latin and Greek. You know Iâm not worth you.â Heâd kissed her forehead. âBut Iâll try, sweeting; Iâll devote my whole life to being worthy of your love.â
Sheâd felt without a home for so long that his words had fed her lonely soul. Sheâd closed her eyes, savoring his love, the feel of his hands, warm in hers. The moment had been perfect. Then his hands were gone, leaving her bereft. Sheâd opened her eyes to find him kneeling before her.
âSophia Elliot, when I return, will you marry me, be my wife, live with me, have children, laugh, cry, grow old with me? Will you be my fiancée from this day forward?â
Sheâd laughed at his alteration of the marriage rite. âFrom this day forward, yes, my love, yes.â
He looked sheepish. âI havenât a ring or anything, nothing for you to remember me by.â
Sheâd kissed him, longingly, sweetly. âI donât need anything. But I do have something for you, a token of my love, to remember your . . . f iancée . . . by.â Sheâd held out a folded piece of oilcloth, no bigger than his thumb.
Heâd unwrapped the gift, a small hardboard wafer on which Sophia had sketched a self-portrait. âI drew it mostly with ink to get the lines sharp enough.â
âItâs beautiful. I can see your spirit, here in the shape of your eyes, in the curve of your lips.â
âI know you canât take it with you. But I wanted you to have it.â
âI can take it. Look