litigation with a fabulously famous client—would have been staffed by at least four attorneys. And Noah wants me to go it alone?
I immediately rush back to my office and start researching the cause of action of dissolution of partnership. Next, I draft a very professional e-mail thanking Monique for her business and asking her to gather the partnership contract and various non-compete agreements that she had with her husband, and then arrange for a messenger service to pick all of it up from her brownstone. After that, I pick up the phone to call Vanessa.
What? After getting all that work done, I think I deserve a little work break, don’t I?
“There’s no such thing,” Vanessa interrupts.
“There is, too,” I say in a stage whisper, careful not to let any partners walking through the halls hear me.
“Brooke,” Vanessa says, “there is no such thing as ‘wedding dress law.’”
“Could you please just research it for me?” I ask, eyes darting furtively to my office door.
“And what client should I bill this to?” she asks. I can’t see her since we’re on the phone, but I get the distinct sense that she’s tapping her foot at me as she says this.
“Healthy Foods,” I say, invoking one of Gilson, Hecht’s biggest clients, and one that I worked for almost exclusively when I was still at the firm, “I don’t care!”
“You want me to bill it to your old client?” Vanessa asks.
“Yes,” I say, practically ducking down under my desk as I see Noah walking by my office door with one of the other partners.
“You do realize that your fiancé is now the lead on all Healthy Foods matters, right?” she says.
“Which is exactly why he’ll let the billing go though,” I explain, “Now type.”
“Can you get disbarred for billing personal stuff to a client?” Vanessa asks.
“No!” I say. Yes. In fact, that’s the main reason why most attorneys get disbarred. But that shouldn’t really stop two women on a mission, should it? And anyway, this research is important. “They won’t mind at all. And they really do charge way too much for their coffee. I just went to a Healthy Foods the other day and my cappuccino was almost five bucks. The least they can do is help me out with this teensy tiny little issue.”
“What am I searching for here?” Vanessa asks. I can hear her beginning to type.
“Try typing in ethics and wedding dress, ” I say. “And put wedding dress in quote marks so that you search for the full term, not the two words separately.”
“You don’t have to tell me how to do a Lexis search, thank you very much,” Vanessa says.
“Well,” I say, “I did have to tell you what to type in.”
“That’s because what you want me to type in is crazy,” she explains. “You want me to find a case where the court holds that it’s not a breach of your ethical duties to have a wedding dress designer create your wedding dress for you when you’re representing her in a dissolution of partnership action.”
“Exactly!”
“Every lawyer knows that you can never find a case that matches your exact case perfectly,” Vanessa says, speaking to me as if I were a small child. Or a first-year law student.
“When you wanted me to research whether or not ‘randomly kissing some sleazy skank’ counted as a grounds for divorce,” I ask, “did I tell you that was crazy?”
Vanessa doesn’t respond, but I do hear the frantic tapping of keyboard keys over the phone.
“I’ve got something on a lawyer stealing money from a wedding dress designer’s escrow funds?” she says, still typing away.
“Nope,” I say. “I don’t want her money, just her dress.”
“How about this one—Southern District of California. Woman sues her wedding dress designer, who promised that she’d design a custom gown, on the grounds that the dress the designer created for her was not actually unique. Seems after this designer created the custom gown for this customer, the designer then