Read J Speaks (L & J 2) for Free Online Page A

down the hallway with the doctors. They told me to let her go, but I couldn’t bear to. It wasn’t until they were rushing her into the operating room that I was forced to let go of her hand.
    “I love you, baby. Oh my god. You have to live. Baby, I can’t be on this earth without you. I need your light.” I was practically sobbing. “I can’t be a monster anymore,” I whispered as they rushed her though doors that I was unable to pass. I watched my lig ht being wheeled away and sunk to the floor. What had I done? I tried to keep the monster as far from Elle as possible. She made me feel like a man for the first time in almost a decade. When the monster and the man crashed together, all hell had broken loose.
    I don’t know how long I sat on the floor in front of those doors, my arms wrapped around my ben t knees, head in between them. Each breath feeling like it might be my last. I’m sure no one was rushing to make the giant in a blood covered, Kevlar vest move out of the hallway. It was Chris who finally came up to me.
    “They said you need to move your ass out of the hallway, fucker.”
    I looked up at her. Hate filled her eyes. I could tell she was trying hard to keep her rage at bay. I had no doubt Chris would beat me down if she still had that baseball bat and no one was looking. I got up off the ground and followed her to some chairs.
    I was about to sit down when Chris said, “Gimme the vest.” I looked at her, confusion filling my eyes. I was so lost in that moment. She walked closer to me and said in a low, strained voice, “Give me the bloody fucking vest you dumb fuck.” I took it off, and she tossed me my cut. “Put that on. We’re gonna need it soon.”
    ******
    We’d been sitting in the waiting room for hours while Elle was in surgery. Chris didn’t want to call anyone just yet. For that I was grateful. I don’t think I could have handled dealing with the kitchen guys, or her parents. This wasn’t exactly the way to introduce your boyfriend to your parents. My world crashed a little bit more at that thought. Was I still her boyfriend?
    Chris barely said three words to me. I was also grateful for that. I got it. She was pissed as all hell. But she wasn’t the only one struggling here. I’d shot the woman I loved, and now I was waiting to find out how much damage I’d done. I had a million thoug hts swirling around in my head. So many, that I was unable to pick one to ruminate on. I thought about all the women I’d met in my life, and how Elle was so different from every single one of them. I thought about what she would say to me when she came out of surgery. Would she hate me? Would she ever speak to me again? Fuck. Burns. Skinny and I had never botched a disappearance like this. And what was Skinny doing? I dug my prepay phone out of my cut and texted him.
     
    J: ?
    SKINNY: taken care of
     
    Well, that was one thing off my mind. I didn’t know how he’d take care of it, but I knew he would . If he was gonna fuck me over, he wouldn’t have responded, and he wouldn’t have done it immediately.
    “She’ll never take you back.”
    I looked up from the prepay. I swear daggers were shooting out of Chris’ eyes and straight into my soul. I didn’t answer her. What was I going to say? She probably wasn’t going to want anything to do with me. In order for us to be together, I couldn’t be a monster. I couldn’t be a killer. For that to happen, Burns would ether have to disappear, or have some radical change of heart. I doubted the latter.
    A doctor came out of the doors I’d been staring at for hours. Chris bolted upright from her chair, practically running over to the young doctor. I felt cemented to my seat. I heard “She’s fine. Bullet tore her stomach, but we repaired it. Something something ICU. Few hours before you can see her.”
    I exhaled a deep breath. She was OK. With my elbow on my knees, I held my head in my hands and tried not to cry. Gramps told me it was OK to