Inherent Vice

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Book: Read Inherent Vice for Free Online
Authors: Thomas Pynchon
Tags: Fiction, General, Satire, Political
“ He ’ s closely connected with a high-profile homicide and possible kidnapping, and who ’ s to say he himself won’t be next? Maybe this ’ ll turn out to be one of those perpetrators who specially like to murder hippies, though if Sportello ’s on their list, I might have a conflict of interest. ”
    “ Aww, Bigfoot, you don ’ t mean that. ... If I got knocked off? think of all your time and trouble finding somebody else to hassle. ”
    “ What trouble? I go out the door, get in the unit, head up any block, before I know it, I ’ m driving through some giant damn herd of you hippie freaks, each more roustable than the last. ”
    “ This is embarrassing, ” said Sauncho. “ Maybe you two should find somewhere besides an interrogation cubicle. ”
    The local news came on and everybody went out to the squad room to watch. There on the screen was Channel View Estates—a forlorn-looking view of the miniplaza, occupied by an armored division ’s worth of cop vehicles parked every which way with their lights all going, and cops sitting on fenders drinking coffee, and, in close-up, Bigfoot Bjornsen, hair Aqua-Netted against the Santa Anas, explaining, “ . .. apparently a party of civilians, on some training exercise in anti-guerrilla warfare. They may have assumed that this construction site, not yet being open for occupancy, was deserted enough to provide a realistic setting for what we must assume was only a harmless patriotic scenario. ” The Japanese-American cutie with the microphone turned fullface to the camera and continued, “ Tragically, however, live ammunition somehow found it’s way into these war games, and tonight one ex-prison inmate lies slain while prominent construction mogul Michael Wolfmann has mysteriously vanished. Police have detained a number of suspects for questioning. ”
    Break for commercial. “ Wait a minute, ” said Detective Bjornsen, as if to himself. “ This has just given me an idea. Sportello, I believe I shall kick you after all. ” Doc flinched, but then remembered this was also cop slang for “ release. ” Bigfoot ’ s thinking on this being that, if he cut Doc loose, it might attract the attention of the real perpetrators. Plus giving him an excuse to keep tailing Doc in case there was something Doc wasn ’ t telling him.
    “ Come along, Sportello, let ’ s take a ride. ”
    “ I ’ m gonna watch the tube here for a while, ” Sauncho said. “ Remem ber, Doc, this was like fifteen billable minutes. ”
    “ Thanks, Saunch. Put it on my tab? ”
    Bigfoot checked out a semi-obvious Plymouth with little E-for-Exempt symbols on the plates, and they went blasting through the remnants of rush hour up to the Hollywood Freeway and presently over the Cahuenga Pass and down into the Valley.
    “ What ’ s this? ” Doc said after a while.
    “ As a courtesy I ’ m taking you out to the impound garage to get your vehicle. We ’ ve been over it with the best tools available to forensic science, and except for enough cannabis debris to keep an average family of four stoned for a year, you ’ re clean. No blood or impact evidence we can use. Congratulations. ”
    Doc ’ s general policy was to try to be groovy about most everything, but when it was his ride in question, California reflexes kicked in. “ Con gratulate this, Bigfoot. ” I’ve upset you.
    “ Nobody calls my car a murderer, man? ”
    “ I ’ m sorry, your car is some kind of. .. what, pacifist vegetarian? When bugs come crashing fatally into it’s windshield, it... it feels remorse? Look, we found it almost on top of Charlock ’ s body, idling, and tried not to jump to any obvious conclusions. Maybe it intended to give the victim mouth-to-mouth. ”
    “ I thought he was shot. ”
    “ Whatever, be happy your car ’ s in the clear, Benzidine doesn ’ t lie. ”
    “ Well yeah ... does make me kind of jumpy though, how about your
    “ Not the one with the r in it ” —Bigfoot fell for this

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