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I was freaking out. The words came out before I could stop myself.
    Lysander sighed and shook his head. “It must be nice to live in such a simple world, where everything is black and white.” There was a menacing growl to his voice. He stood up and paced the length of the room, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
    “Yes, we do survive on blood, as most people survive eating cattle, chickens, pigs, and other animals. Those animals are slaughtered for human consumption, but I don’t see you so quick to shame that carnivorous act.”
    He threw a stern look at me and instantly, I felt ashamed. I knew I should have chosen my words better. Scared or not, I shouldn’t have insulted Lysander or his lifestyle. After all, he did save me, even if by doing so he condemned me in the process.
    Lysander sucked in a breath before speaking again. “Being an immortal does not make you evil. You are what you are. You must survive on blood. You cannot eat food or drink anything except blood from now on. Remember this: it is how and when you feed that makes you a monster, or just another being trying to survive in this world.”
    “I didn’t mean to say… ” I tried to interrupt, but I stopped myself. Annoyance showed on Ly-sander’s face. He glared at me coldly. I winced, remembering what he had done to my attackers. I didn’t want to further incite his anger.
    After a long pause, he spoke again, his voice monotonic and controlled. “Being immortal does not deny you any of the same basic needs as anyone else. We need shelter to keep us from the elements, clothing to cover us, and food to keep our bodies running. The only difference is our food. We must drink blood.”
    I nodded. There was nothing I could say to him at that moment.
    “You are going to have to throw out many of your beliefs about what is right and wrong, or you won’t survive the infancy of your vampirism.”
    I never wanted this vampirism .
    I slouched into the couch cushions, pondering this for a moment. Lysander sat down next to me; his eyes locked with mine. It was obvious he wanted some acknowledgement from me that I understood and accepted everything he’d told me. I just didn’t know what to say.
    As far as I was concerned, killing was evil, and I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that human beings were now in the same category as a cheeseburger. I was repulsed by the thought of drinking blood, especially from a living being.
    How was I going to survive this infancy, as Lysander put it? If I didn’t kill, I wouldn’t live; but if I did kill, I would deserve the Acta Sanctorum coming and destroying me like a rabid dog.
    I couldn’t avoid Lysander’s quiet stare any longer. “I’m sorry.” It was the only thing I could think to say at the moment.
    His expression softened. I could tell Lysander understood, at least on some level, what I was feeling.
    “Becoming a vampire is easy,” he said calmly. “Living with the condition, that is the hard part. It’s your choice if you wish to survive now. I saved you from mortal death; now, it is up to you to live with this knowledge of what you are.”

CHAPTER 5
     
    * * * * *
     
    His words had been plain, lacking any emotion. He was right, though. As cold and emotionless about it as he was, his words were true. I didn’t want to accept it. I didn’t want to become something I thought was wrong. I felt so out of control at that moment, knowing what I was—a vampire—and having no way to go back.
    In one night, my whole world had changed. I wanted to go back to my apartment and hide, to pretend none of this had happened to me. I didn’t want this new life.
    I needed a drink. A good stiff one.
    My stomach nagged at me. It had been nagging me since I woke up in that bathtub. I couldn’t continue to ignore it. I needed to eat, or drink, or feed—whatever it was called. But, feeding meant blood. I was stuck. This was some kind of a cruel joke. My body craved the one thing it needed, which was