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time.
    Now, you’re probably saying I’m bogus or a flake. You’re right. I am not ride-or-die. Those are some pretty limiting choices: So if I’m not riding, I gotta die? Can I get off and take the bus? Is “Let’s talk about it” an option? What about “ride, or pause this if we need to”?
    There are people whose partners have been sentenced to twenty years in jail and they’re waiting for them. That is adorable and commendable. However, if you weren’t with me shooting in the gym, or we weren’t childhood sweethearts and BFFs, or I don’t have your big-headed kids, I am certainly not gonna waste my best years as you sit in jail or engage in hijinks. Our love story will need to be paused until further notice. I am not doing a countdown for your freedom day, sitting by the gate for years. That’s unfair. Shoot, I might be the mother of your kids, and if me “riding” ain’t in the best interest of our spawns then I’m still getting off at the next stop and calling my friends to come pick me up. I’m “ride-or-surely-you-understand-why-I’m-done-here.”
    The way my loyalty is set up, you might get one Get Out of Jail Free card because we go together really tough and I love you, but what I will not be doing is enabling dysfunction by always being there when you royally mess up. Sorry not sorry. Don’t be catching no cases on my dime. I got my Global Entry status and TSA PreCheck to protect. We are too grown for me to be constantly tied to your bad behavior. Who has time for that?
    Far too many people allow this ride-or-die thing to keep them in expired relationships. If you constantly have to play ombudsman for your beloved, you’re in a co-dependent prison of your own making. People will keep doing what they can get away with. When the relationship has soured, it should be like cutting off your mooching son’s credit cards. Fly, little birdie! Get the hell out my nest!
    To be ultrareal, ride-or-die expectations usually fall on the shoulders of women who often don’t get the same level of commitment from their men. Men do not get told repeatedly to stand by their women no matter how much drama they bring into their lives. They get the message that they always have more choices. Meanwhile, women are told to stand beside and behind our partners in spite of their foolishness.
    I can be loyal, but loyalty isn’t blind commitment to cosigning on stupidity and bad decisions. Once my life starts being affected by your tomfoolery, I might have to moonwalk out. Some people have gone to jail for their boos, and I applaud them for their courage. That could not be me. If it comes down to me or you, trust I’m picking me. I can’t fight, and my hair products are out here, so as you see, it would be harder for me inside. Thanks for understanding!
    If we’re both mature and grown, neither of us would want to put our partner in a situation that would put their livelihood and happiness in jeopardy. If you’re constantly acting a fool, it means you aren’t considering me in your actions, because clearly you don’t care how they could affect your loved ones.
    Call me simple, but I think baehood needs to come in less dramatic packages. My love motto is that my relationship should push me to be a better person. My partner should encourage me, challenge me, seduce me, and build me. I will aim to do the same. At any point in time, one person might be holding the other up, because isn’t that part of being a team? You might have an off day, but your teammate picks up the slack. That’s fine. There are times you’ll both have an off day. Recalibrate and come back. Maybe the off day becomes an off week or off months. That’s when you have to determine if you need to be on the same team at all.
    If, of course, during the off week one of you goes and does something they weren’t supposed to, like Ross did