to the privy opens, blinding light from the passageway flooding the roomâa lamp held in Kolâs hand. He brings it in and closes the door, and sheâs exposed again: a rabbit under the white glare of a bright owlâs eye. The owl comes closer, saying nothing, staring intently with the raptorâs split attention, an ear out for Fynâs return. She tries to press deeper into the wall, but thereâs nowhere to go.
Where only his gaze exposed her before, he takes it further, exposing her body without consent while she stands helpless, staring into the light, trying not to be there, trying not to feel.
Satisfied at last with his exploration, Kol washes up in the basin and goes out, taking his owl-eye light with him. Too terrified to move, she wets herself without making it to the pot two feet away. Warmth spills down to the floor.
Jak opened the door and nearly tripped over Ra, huddled trembling against the cold ground. When the dark sapphire eyes looked up into Jakâs, it was obvious what had happened. Jakâs unbidden thoughtsâthe memories Jak had managed to suppress for almost twenty years until tonightâhad been more than loud. Theyâd been deafening. Ra knew everything.
Edging back into the outhouse, Jak tried to hide once more, slinking low on the floor. Ra fumbled to her knees and reached for the door, but Jak slammed it shut and held it from the inside so Ra couldnât get in. Donât let him come in . Ra banged on the door, higher up now.
âNo!â Jak shouted. âGo away!â But the door was too hard to hold against Ra. Ra had torn iron bars from the jail cells at the temple in Rhyman like arms from their sockets. She wanted in, and she was in, and Jak cowered.
Ra said nothing, lifting Jak to an unwilling slump, and took Jak from the outhouse, back across the frosty ground to the yellow band of light that was the door of Mound Ahr. Inside, she let Jak sag against the pile of their bed.
Jak pressed into the blankets, hot with shame, wanting to be dead. âI donât want you to know. I donât want anyone to know.â
Ra stretched her body over Jakâs, arms protecting against anything that desired harm to Jak, except for Jak alone. âI am not anyone.â Ra began to sing a strange melody, high and foreignâa Rhymanic lullaby, perhaps, sung only to children of the Meerâand Jak slept.
It was morning again. Time seemed to have grown capricious. Jak had slept without dreams, empty, a coma, and that had been good. There had been no thoughts at all, just respite. There was something Jak wanted to forget.
The night rushed in then, uncouthly, and the pit of Jakâs stomach tightened against a stab of shame. Ra knew. Jak was exposed.
Ra eased onto her side next to Jak on the blankets and brushed back the fine hair that hid Jakâs face, but Jak shrugged her away.
âYou brought this into my head,â Jak accused. âYou made me think of it.â
âNo, midtlif . No.â
âHow else? Iâd forgotten aboutâ¦Kol.â Jak nearly gagged on the word. It had been deeply forgotten. It hadnât existed. The man Jak could only bear to call Kol, and never âFatherâ, had died, mercifully, when Jak was fourteen, and Jak had been liberated. By the time Jak seduced Geffn, it had already disappeared. Now Ra had found it and dragged it into the white, naked light.
âPerhaps by my presence,â Ra acknowledged. âBy my speaking of the fear and hesitation you werenât consciously aware of when I touched you. Because a Meerâs words create, your memories couldnât remain buried. But never by my intention. I would never willingly inflict pain on you.â
âBut you knew.â Jak spoke into the blankets. âYou were making love to me, and then you stopped. I didnât know, but you did. You knew.â
Ra propped herself on one elbow, respectfully distanced. âI only