bum). But it isn’t a long enough acquaintance for me to be that forward.
The kiss had been soft and kind. Interested and promising. I am not used to being touched with such tenderness. It was a good kiss.
So good, in fact, that the only response that seems appropriate is for me to run. As fast as I can. Up the stairs and out of his life, not leaving behind so much as a glass slipper.
7. All Shook Up
Friday 14th May 2004
Bella
I have made a special effort for the house to look lovely. Since Philip is paying such an enormous mortgage the least I can do is fill it with friends and buy a few fresh cut flowers now and again.
When we got married I moved out of the trendy Clerkenwell space and Phil sold his flat in Putney. I would happily have moved in there with him but Philip wanted to start afresh. We bought a five-bedroom house in Wimbledon, Philip said it was the perfect home to fill with bonny lasses and strapping lads. Who am I to object? It’s not as though I have to keep it tidy. Gana, our Thai housekeeper, does that.
Despite Philip’s plans for us to build a home together, he decorated the place on his own. It wasn’t supposed to be like that but whenever I brought something home he would shake his head and say that it was lovely but not right for a Victorian family home. I sometimes disagreed but not enough to make an issue of it – and he might have had a point when it came to the glitter ball and the jelly bean loo seat. We both got what we wanted; me, a ready-made, middle-class identity,him, the knowledge that he’d tried to do the right thing.
Philip surrounded us with antique bureaus, shelves, chests, chairs and tables that needed to be protected with mats or glass. It was the tiny things that told me that I’d grown up. We kept spare loo rolls in the bathroom cupboard and light bulbs in a box in the garage. I had Christmas decorations in the loft. We have a Poggenpohl kitchen that’s packed with gadgets – only a few of which have been taken out of their boxes.
This spring, we made the most of any mild weather and in the evenings Philip and I often sat in the garden to enjoy a drink. We watched as the trees slowly came back to life and as the tiny buds opened out into fleshy leaves. I’m planning on spending most of my summer in the garden. It is so peaceful.
The five bedrooms are going to be put to use tonight. I have made sure that Laura and Amelie’s rooms are aired. I’ve left
Vogue
and
Now
in Laura’s room and
Tatler
and a holiday brochure in Amelie’s. The boys will share a room tonight, which they’ll enjoy, and Freya will get to sleep in a double bed on her own. Also a treat. Although I’m not in a hurry to be called mummy just yet, I adore being the fairy godmother. Whenever Freya, Davey or Eddie visit I make sure that I provide them with all the treats I can. I go to Blockbuster, hire a couple of kids’ movies, buy massive bags of Butterkist and lots of chocolate. I buy comics, glitter glue, micro cars and Coke. Anyone who says money can’t buy happiness is shopping in the wrong place.
Amelie arrives first. She brings with her an air of seriousness and purpose. She had this before Ben diedbut I notice it more now as it is no longer balanced with his irreverence and flippancy. Not that Amelie Gordon is dull. She is thoughtful and thought-provoking, she’s simply less silly than any of my other friends. She reads the quality papers. She took a masters degree in religion and philosophy so she knows something about Scientology (beyond the fact that Tom Cruise practises it). Not only has she actually read the Bible but she can talk intelligently about Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Judaism, Shinto, Sikhism and Taoism. In short, she is the type of woman I’d like to be when I grow up; either like Amelie or a Charlie’s Angel.
The children stumble into the house carrying large amounts of luggage. They always bring their own Disney sleeping bags, several spare sets of clothes and a