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to say, “Means Mum’s been at the paint again.”
    Dad says Mum shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a paint pot. She goes mad! She paints everything in sight, including the dogs. The dogs go pretty mad, too. They tread in the stuff, and sit in the stuff, and rub upagainst it while it’s still wet. Then we have paw prints, and bottom prints, and furry skirting boards, and Mum’s like, “Oh, God, get them out of here, get them out of here!” Any normal person would make sure they were shut away before they began, but not Mum. I really don’t think the women in this house are normal.
    Anyway, I didn’t say what I was tempted to say cos I knew the Microdot would only start yelling. She was already working up to it. Jigging about and huffing.
    â€œ Well? ”
    I said, “Well…” I was being careful here; I didn’t want her getting ratty. “Well, I…”
    â€œAll you’ve got to do is just say ,” said the Microdot. “You don’t have to stop and think about it.”
    â€œWhat if I get it wrong?”
    â€œYou can’t get it wrong. There isn’t any wrong . Just look at the splotches and say what you think is happening.”
    â€œOK. It’s someone being chased…someone trying to get away.”
    The Microdot went, “Hah!” And then she gave this derisive snort and said it again. “Hah!”
    â€œWhat?” I said. “What?”
    â€œI might have known!”
    â€œKnown what ?”
    â€œThat that’s what you’d say!”
    By now, I might as well admit, I was becoming considerably annoyed. Even when she told me I couldn’t get it wrong, she still wouldn’t let me get it right .
    â€œSee, there’s two different types,” she said. “There’s friendly types and there’s un friendly types. The friendly types say it’s someone running towards people, and the unfriendly types say it’s someone running away from people. You’re one of the unfriendly types. You can’t help it, it’s not your fault. It’s just the way you’re made,” she said, kindly.
    The fact she said it kindly made me even more annoyed.
    â€œThis is such a load of crap,” I said.
    â€œIt’s not crap, it’s psychology! And you know you’re not allowed to use that word… crap .”
    I said, “Crap, crap, double crap!” She gets me like that. “I suppose you’re one of the friendly types?”
    â€œWell, I am friendly,” she said. “I like people.”
    â€œI like people!”
    â€œYou don’t like Linzi.”
    I shouted, “I never said I didn’t like her!”
    â€œYes, you did, and don’t shout!”
    I said, “I am NOT SHOUTING!”
    â€œYou are, you’re deafening me.”
    â€œWell, you deafen me all the time, and I didn’t say I didn’t like her. When did I say I didn’t like her? I’m the one that’s supposed to be rescuing her from beetles!”
    She tossed her head. One of her most irritating habits. “ Supposed to be.”
    â€œI’d do it,” I said, “if I had to. The opportunity, however, has not yet arisen.” I thought that was rather good: the opportunity has not yet arisen.
    Her lip curled. “Don’t see how it can when you still haven’t even asked her out.”
    Asked her out??? She actually thought I was going to ask her out?
    â€œGo figure!” said the Microdot.
    I have just got it. I have just twigged. I might have known she had some ulterior motive, giving me all that guff about being better-looking than Brendan Fraser. That girl is just so devious. Talk about low cunning! It’s the last time I let her engage me in conversation.
    I wish I knew how she curled her lip like that. Hers goes right up in a hoop; mine just kind of twitches. She must have very prehensile lips. Yeah, and a very prehensile