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police car or not. There are, however, a few indications
which may help people of extraordinary intelligence and with very keen powers
of observation:
     
    (a) The police always use a
13 h.p., blue Wolseley car;
    (b) three uniformed policemen
sit in it; and
    (c) on these cars you can read
the word police written in large letters in front and rear, all in capitals —
lit up during the hours of darkness.
    2. I think England is the
only country in the world where you have to leave your lights on even if you
park in a brilliantly lit-up street. The advantage being that your battery gets
exhausted, you cannot start up again and consequently the number of road
accidents are greatly reduced. Safety first!
    3. Only motorists can
answer this puzzling question: What are taxis for? A simple pedestrian knows
that they are certainly not there to carry passengers.
    Taxis, in fact, are a
Christian institution. They are here to teach drivers modesty and humility.
They teach us never to be over-confident; they remind us that we never can tell
what the next moment will bring for us, whether we shall be able to drive on or
a taxi will bump into us from the back or the side. \ .. and thou shalt fear
day and night, and shalt have none assurance of thy life’ (Deut., chapter 28,
verse 66).
    4. There is a huge
ideological warfare going on behind the scenes of the motorist world.
     
    Whenever you stop your car
in the City, the West End or many other places, two or three policemen rush at
you and tell you that you must not park there. Where may you park? They shrug
their shoulders. There are a couple of spots on the South Coast and in a
village called Minchinhampton. Three cars may park there for half an hour every
other Sunday morning between 7 and 8 a.m.

    The police are perfectly
right. After all, cars have been built to run, and run fast, so they should not
stop.
    This healthy philosophy of
the police has been seriously challenged by a certain group of motorists who
maintain that cars have been built to park and not to move. These people drive out
to Hampstead Heath or Richmond on beautiful, sunny days, pull up all their
windows and go to sleep. They do not get a spot of air; they are miserably
uncomfortable; they have nightmares, and the whole procedure is called
‘spending a lovely afternoon in the open.’

THREE GAMES FOR BUS DRIVERS
     
    If
you become a
bus driver there are three lovely and very popular games you must learn to
play.
     
    1. Blind man’s buff. When you turn right just signal by showing two millimetres of your finger-tips.
It is great fun when motorists do not notice your signal and run into your huge
bus with their tiny cars.
    2. Hide and seek. Whenever you approach a request stop hide behind a large lorry or another bus
and when you have almost reached the stop shoot off at a terrific speed. It is
very amusing to see people shake their fists at you. It is ten to one they miss
some important business appointment.
    3. Hospital game. If
you have to stop for one reason or another, never wait until the conductor
rings the bell. If you start moving quickly and unexpectedly, and if you are
lucky — and in slippery weather you have a very good chance — people will fall
on top of one another. This looks extremely funny from the driver’s seat.
(Sometimes the people themselves, who fall into a muddy pool and break their
legs, make a fuss, but, alas! every society has its bores who have no sense of
humour and cannot enjoy a joke at their own expense.)

HOW TO PLAN A TOWN
     
    Britain, far from being a ‘decadent
democracy’, is a Spartan country. This is mainly due to the British way of
building towns, which dispenses with the reasonable comfort enjoyed by all the
other weak and effeminate peoples of the world.
    Medieval warriors wore
steel breast-plates and leggings not only for defence but also to keep up their
fighting spirit; priests of the Middle Ages tortured their bodies with
hair-shirts; Indian yogis take their daily