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or be asked for money, whether it’s $100 or $100, 000. We argued a bit, and I got defensive, but eventually we hammered out a sum that everyone could live with. At the end of the day my parents agreed to give us $20, 000 to spend however we wanted, and if our wedding ended up costing more than that, we would be on our own to figure out how to pay for it.
    Not to ruin the ending of this book, but I eventually did have the wedding of my dreams. Dave and I set our priorities, item by item. We made a list of the most important wedding elements to us, and allotted our spending accordingly.
    Remember that Google search I mentioned earlier about “how to have a wedding without flowers”? At first blush, the very concept seems inconceivable, doesn’t it? When a girl dreams of a wedding, she imagines imported Casablanca lilies, themed end-of-aisle arrangements, a bouquet of rare orchids trailing from here to Omaha. Here’s a real quick way to get the bloom off the rose: Crunch the numbers. Flowers for a wedding can run from $2,000 to $20,000 and beyond. The lower-cost ones are not earth-friendly, the environmentally conscious ones cost the moon, and at the end of the day, everything winds up in the trash.
    Surprising as it seems, flowers didn’t pass the smell test. The Sri Lankan Kadupul blooms were relegated to the bottom of our priority list, along with six miles of aisle swags, urns of topiary clipped to resemble our favorite Disney characters and ribbon woven from the delicate wings of endangered Bengali moths. My bridesmaids ended up carrying three large, yellow mums each. They looked beautiful, nobody complained, and I didn’t lose sleep over spending six grand onsomething that I honestly didn’t give a hoot about.
    As we were fighting, er, figuring out exactly how the money would be spent, something happened to me and Dave. Our knock-down-drag-outs, er, lively debates were actually long, intense, relationship-testing discussions that ultimately revealed important details about our inner selves to each other. And let me tell you, as uncomfortable as this can be, it’s not a bad thing to make sure you’re on the same page about the merits of imported, jewel-encrusted boutonnieres. In the end, your bond will strengthen as your vision and purpose take shape. Which is a fancy way of saying that Dave and I sort of decided how to spend our budget…and in the process, we laid the groundwork for future financial decisions in our lives together.
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    Here are some of the inspiration and reference websites I used to ground the wedding decisions I made—and these are just the tip of the iceberg. Google your heart out, bride!
    http://costofwedding.com
    http://www.theknot.com
    http://www.weddingbee.com
    http://snippetandink.blogspot.com
    http://www.marthastewartweddings.com
    (especially their seating chart tool)
    http://www.sites.google.com (for our wedding website)
    http://www.theweddingreport.com
    http://www.greylikesweddings.com
    http://stylemepretty.com
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    Note to brides: do not skip this step. Work on your wedding as a couple. It is a microcosm of many discussions you’ll have as a married couple, and you might as well get your differences out in the open now.
    I can’t say it was easy, because by the time we got a hard number out of my parents, my heart was already set on some fairly pricey ideas. Still, I managed to fit everything I wanted into the budget my parents gave me.
    Let’s get real, people: there’s no unilaterally pleasant way to hash out your wedding budget. If you can pay for it yourself, do it. Don’t stress your parents out about it. And if you need their help, don’t forget to be grateful for whatever amount they give you—even if all they’re able to provide is love and support.
    Just make sure you don’t get roped into the conversation before you’re ready with some hard data, a clear idea of what you’re going to ask for and an open mind.
    And never forget to heed the immortal words of