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(appraisals) about their date, yet she doesn’t place them in an ‘I love you’ narrative.
    In the same way, we can experience a negative appraisal. We can give different expressions to this appraisal. You can say, “I have a cold, ugh, my life is worthless. I’m a complete loser. Now I have a cold and nothing is going to make me feel better.” Or you can say, as Barney would, “When I feel sick, I stop being sick and be awesome instead.”
    It takes a lot of courage to awesomize yourself, because you need to fight against your routine narratives. But it is possible. Everybody can be awesome.
    Awesome People and Not-So-Awesome People
    We could divide humanity into two groups of people: those who are awesome, and those who are not. Not-so-awesome people block themselves. They find all kinds of excuses for not being awesome. “I don’t look good,” or “I simply don’t have the right social capabilities,” or—and this one is extreme—“Because of my traumatizing childhood, I will always have this low self-esteem.” These people are skilled with the abominable talent of finding reasons for why they shouldn’t put energy into self-enhancement.
    Still, we all carry the burden of the past with us. Some of us are less fortunate and have bad experiences which have lowered our self-esteem. Sometimes it is really difficult to overcome these issues.
    However, the problem of not being awesome doesn’t lie in bad experiences, but in how you deal with them. Not-so-awesome people tend to hold external factors responsible for their own misery. “I didn’t get my book published because the book market is too focused on making easy money nowadays!” or “Iwill always be insecure because my parents mistreated me!” or “She doesn’t want a relationship with me because she has a fear of commitment!”
    These not-so-awesome people cease to feel responsible for their actions. The world just isn’t fair. That is why they are miserable. Because ‘fate’ has a different role in mind for them. Their past has determined the way they are now. They can’t help it, they just have become the way they are.
    These not-so-awesome people seem to think that they are not responsible for who they are. And that’s where they’re wrong. You are responsible for yourself, and you have to take responsibility for your actions.
    Most events in your life are indeed beyond your control. But it’s wrong to blame everything on the events that have had a bad influence on you. For instance, maybe the reason why you didn’t get your book published is not that publishers are only concerned with selling commercial books, as you’d like to think. Maybe you just don’t know how to write. It takes a step to acknowledge that. The second step is to either become a better writer and work for it like hell, or to realize that you are not that much of a writer. Maybe your authentic way of living does not include writing.
    How I Met Your Mother gives us another example. Lily has always wanted to be a painter. Marshall compliments Lily on every painting she makes, which makes her believe that her paintings are actually good. Which they obviously aren’t. After numerous failed attempts to sell her best painting, she realizes that maybe she isn’t a good painter after all. She becomes sad, but she doesn’t blame anyone for that. She feels responsible for her own failure, which is a very brave thing to do. Later on, Marshall discovers that Lily’s paintings have a relaxing effect on dogs. Because Lily really enjoys painting, she decides to continue to make art—for animals. She has encountered the unpleasant realization that maybe she is not an artistic genius, but she handles that realization responsibly. She takes responsibility and finds another way to validate what she loves doing. That’s why Lily is so awesome.
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