trapped.
By everything.
Yeah.
35,600 is not the number of doctors
who fix broken babies,
itâs just a bunch of studies
and hospitals
and things that have nothing to do with anything.
Uuugh.
Now what?
Mystery bag contents for the week:
Bread
Milk
Cheese
Bologna
Spaghetti
Sauce
Vanilla yogurt
Frozen OJ
And in a second mystery bag:
popcorn kernels
butter
an action movie DVD
with the $4.99 sticker still on it.
When I picked up the bag
off the mat
I looked down the street
like I always do
and this time
this time
I saw something.
A red car turning by the stop sign.
The same color red as Jamesâs car.
Mom and I are watching the movie
upstairs
alone
with popcorn
in her bed!
Itâs so weird
hearing the suction machine downstairs
and knowing Levi is down there
but that weâre up here.
Every time I hear it I jump
but Momâs hand goes to my knee.
Heâs fine , she smiles.
Letâs have some you-and-me time, OK?
OK. I should be used to night nurses by now,
but we hardly ever get one scheduled.
Itâs nice.
But weird.
I better put this notebook down
before I get butter all over it.
Are you leaving these bags, James?
Has it been you the whole time?
Even at the hospital?
Because I know how much you hate hospitals.
It must have been hard
to show up there anyway
and pay to park
and go inside
and get buzzed into the ICU
and stay hidden from us
and give a bag to a nurse
and ask her to give it to us.
I mean, thatâs a lot of stuff to do
when youâre scared of a place.
Our breath must have been really bad
for you to go to all that trouble
to get us new toothbrushes.
If it was you leaving the bags.
It might not have been.
I donât know.
Leaving bags of cool stuff . . .
that doesnât seem like a
Probation Officer University thing.
That seems like just a nice person thing.
WEEK 1 9
Weâll find the money.
Mom was talking to herself.
Weâll find a way.
Her face leaning forward,
her hands in her hair,
papers all over the kitchen table.
She didnât see me
so I snuck back upstairs.
The Carnival of Giving.
Iâm thinking about it.
Thinking about that stupid flyer
Mrs. B stole from school.
The one still crumpled up on my desk,
the one I canât quite throw away.
Mom would never say yes.
I canât help but wonder . . .
No.
Itâs stupid.
Weâre fine.
Please donât worry.
Itâs not like we live in a cave in China.
Or in a hut in Africa.
Itâs not like there are flies circling my face.
Or clods of dirt caked on my feet.
We have enough.
Weâre OK.
Please, Mrs. B, donât talk about social services again.
Weâre doing our best.
Weâre fine.
What is that, T-man?
Donât call me T-man. I held up the bag so Mom could see inside.
I couldnât help smiling.
Thick-cut bacon
sourdough bread
eggs
syrup
a cactus with a pink flower
and a pair of tiny socks
exactly Leviâs size.
I know itâs you, James.
Only you could give things
prickly and soft
sweet and sour
all at the same time.
You and that journal, Timothy. Isa sat next to me at lunch, smiled,
made my head go all sunny.
I didnât know she had B lunch.
My cheeks went red from the sun in my brain.
I have to keep the journal. Court-ordered. (You know, when she nods, her hair shines extra shiny
like she must have sun in her head, too,
shining through.)
What are you doing here, gordita ? José dropped his tray next to mine
splattering spaghetti sauce
making Isa jump back and scowl.
Iâm tutoring during C lunch.
Maybe you should skip lunch. Then he puffed out his cheeks and laughed.
I really wish he wouldnât do things like that.
Sheâs his sister, fine.
But still.
Isa stood up, no bites taken from her lunch.
See you later, Timothy. She turned, and was gone.
My cheeks still red, but now for a different reason.
How goes the turtle?
Huh?
The car? Howâs it going? With your dad?
Oh. Fine.
Are you, like, bonding and stuff ?
I donât know.
Heâs not teaching you the