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sitting right next to you?”
“ She told me some stuff after
class,” I said, although I immediately regretted it. At the time,
she had told me to keep it a secret, although that was years ago so
I wasn’t even sure that promise still applied.
“ What kind of stuff?” Jimmy asked,
his eyebrows almost invisible against his hairline they were so
high on his head.
“ Just stuff,” I said, thinking
better of opening my mouth. Mom was out this afternoon getting
groceries and I couldn’t confirm with her whether or not I could
share what she had told me. At the time, what she had said had made
me laugh and turn bright red. Even though I’d thought about it a
lot over the years, we hadn’t mentioned it since and I wasn’t even
sure I would remember it all correctly anyway.
“ Actually, I’m pretty curious
myself,” Pa said. “What did she tell you that she couldn’t tell
Jimmy?”
Now I was in a bind. If my Pa was asking me, I
couldn’t really refuse him, could I?
I looked down, nervously tucking a
strand of my long brown hair behind my ear as it fell in front of
my face.
“ Well, Ma said to keep it to
myself. She said it was just stuff to know about for when I got
older.”
“ When was this?”
“ Back a few years ago, when we
first had the talk.”
“ Well, you’re older now. Is what
she told you then more meaningful now?”
I just shrugged. I could feel a heat in my face as I
continued to stare intently at the desk in front of me. I traced
the lines in the wood from where I had dug my name into it over the
years with my pen.
“ Sarah?”
I looked up to see Daddy’s cool blue eyes watching
me intently. He was waiting for an answer and I wasn’t going to be
able to avoid it.
“ She… she just told me things
about… ummm… keeping a man.”
“ Keeping a man? What does that
mean?”
“ Well… she said that when you meet
a man and you like him… there are certain things you can do to make
sure he really likes you back. And wants to stay with
you.”
Daddy looked at me with an odd face. If I didn’t
know any better, I’d think there was a bit of a smile in there
somewhere, but for the most part it was pretty serious.
“ What kind of things?”
I thought about what my mother had
told me back then. At the time, it had caused me to burst out into
laughter until I realized she was serious. Then I was horrified.
But as I thought about it more and more over the years, the idea
had started to interest me. Now I just felt embarrassed at the
thought of bringing it up to my Pa, not to mention with Jimmy right
next to me!
I decided to just go for it. Taking a deep breath, I
blurted it out. “She said that girls can put a boy’s willie in
their mouth and suck on it.”
This time it was my Daddy’s
eyebrows that tried to merge with his hairline, but it was Jimmy
who made the first sound. It was kind of like a half sputtering,
half gurgling noise before he found his voice. “What?”
I shrugged again. “I don’t know, that’s what she
said.”
“ Well how long do you do that
for?” my brother asked.
“ Mom said you’ll know when you’re
done. I don’t know what she meant by that, though.”
“ I do!” Jimmy
exclaimed.
“ Really?” my eyes lit up. Ever
since I’d had the conversation with my mother and she had ended it
so cryptically, I’ve wondered what she meant.
Jimmy was nodding. “I bet it’s the same as when I
rub on it. If I do it long enough, I make cream.”
“ Cream? Like a cow?”
“ Sort of. But I assume it’s the
baby juice that mom talked about when she gave us the birds and the
bees talk.”
The baby juice. Right. The stuff that the boy
squirts out of his willie into the girl to put a baby in her belly.
At the time that had sounded disgusting as well, but no worse than
having it in her mouth, she supposed.
I noticed Pa had been quiet during this exchange, so
I looked back over at him. He was still staring at us both. His
lips were pursed, but I