Read Hold Still for Free Online Page A

Ellie had told her, thankfully, about the pregnancy. Even if it had taken Maya begging. Even if El seemed to have been stoned when she’d finally come to Maya three nights before, Stephen out of town. She’d cried, crawling into Maya’s bed, only mumbling the lot of it, six tests to be sure and no mention of the father; after Maya had begun to cry as well.
    â€œWell, thanks, lady,” said Laura. “I think, though, my real talent is as the crazy aunt/friend.”
    â€œYou’re incredible at that,” Ellie said.
    Laura’s teeth shone, stained slightly by the dark red of the wine, and she tipped her glass toward Ellie and then toward Maya. Maya reached across the table and tried to take hold of her daughter’s shoulder, but Ellie leaned out of her reach, fisted her wine glass with a tip toward Laura’s, and drank.
    Maya had felt almost smug walking back to Brooklyn with her daughter, over the bridge, and through Brooklyn Heights and Boerum Hill. It was awful, sure. But they’d made it to the other side. She’d gotten her a prescription for birth control and they’d talked about how irresponsible Ellie had been. But it hadn’t felt like the time for scolding. She wanted to be sure Ellie still felt Maya was someone she could trust.
    She’d thought then that they were coming out of something, that that moment had represented a sort of end. Crisis had comeand Ellie had gone to her. She felt shaken by it, terrified. But also, she felt relief. This was the great awful thing she’d been afraid of happening to her daughter: It had happened. She had come to Maya. It could all start to get better after this.
    â€œYou’re going to be okay,” Maya said to Ellie.
    And Ellie smiled, a wool hat pulled down over her hair, her great big eyes peeking out from underneath. “I know, Ma,” she said.
    â€œSo,” says Laura.
    â€œSo,” Maya says.
    â€œBen still home?”
    Maya nods.
    â€œHolding up?”
    Maya shrugs. She looks past Laura toward the door.
    â€œHe’ll go back soon.”
    â€œRight,” Laura says.
    Both of them are quiet. Maya’s mind goes immediately to Jack, to Annie. It’s clear, based on the face her friend makes, that’s where her mind’s gone too. “Any word?” Laura asks.
    Maya shakes her head. “She hasn’t brought any charges.” She shuffles the papers on her desk, then grabs her wedding band with her thumb and two fingers and pushes it up and down over her knuckle as they talk.
    â€œThat’s good?” Laura says. Maya’s not sure her friend meant this as a question.
    â€œI’m not sure what any of it is.” That they might release Ellie from the lockup that they themselves have inflicted, that Annie might not hold her accountable for her son’s death beyond that, that the state seems not to have enough evidence to bring charges,all of this is both impossible to ponder and terrifying to consider too often or too clearly—it’s terrifying in both directions, because of course Maya wants to have her daughter back, of course she always wants her daughter close, but then she’s not sure who that is, her daughter, she’s not sure what any of them would do if Ellie were to suddenly, after all this time, after all she’s done, appear.
    Maya stares at the bare branches out her window. Some days, she worries Stephen will have her committed also. There are days she thinks this might not be the worst idea. When she thinks of this, she thinks Laura would be the one to save her. She’d free her and they’d run off to somewhere warm with water where Ellie would be and everything that’s happened could be taken back somehow and done again.
    â€œMaybe you should go home, sweetie,” Laura says.
    â€œWhat would I do there?” She keeps her eyes on the papers on her desk. The words blur.
    â€œHoney,” Laura says again.
    Someone