everything I said to my father. Every vow, every word. But most of all…
We needed the money that ring got us. This has become my life.
Survival.
Survival.
That’s me, trying to survive day by day. And I’m doing it damn it. The police have finally got off my back about Krista’s murder. There’s no evidence that incriminates me. They say my alibi is weak but they stopped questioning me about it.
Thank God. I didn’t want them to go to you Reverie, but they don’t even know I was with you that night. That’s the way I want to keep it. I want to protect you, not draw you into this mess.
There was no solid, usable evidence left behind on Krista’s body or at the crime scene. And if there was, they’re not telling me anything, but that doesn’t surprise me. They know she was supposed to meet me that night thanks to her dad dropping that info, trying his best to make me look like the number one suspect.
But from what I understand they’re looking extra close at him. His behavior since she died is odd. They’ve brought him in for questioning countless times. The local news loves to talk about the murder and make him look suspect. Even though he’s telling the truth about my meeting with Krista, I’m still irritated with him for ratting me out so quickly. He pointed the finger straight at me and hasn’t stopped since they found her body. Anytime they talk to him he tries to drop my name but they won’t let him. So he implies that her boyfriend is the one who did it.
I wasn’t her boyfriend. I hadn’t been for months. Yeah, we messed around but it meant nothing. She’s an old friend and I hate that she died such a terrible death. You understand how I feel I hope. I can’t be glad she’s gone, not with the fact that she was murdered.
It sucks to admit but I don’t miss her. I’m sure you don’t either. She made our lives miserable.
The cops think Krista’s dad is trying to divert them from him. He’s their only suspect (at least publicly) and I’m not sure why. I’m not sure if I want to know why either. Krista was his daughter. I know they had a fucked up relationship but could it have been so bad that he’d end up killing her after a raging fight?
I hope not. But there’s no other answer. No other suspect besides me that I know of. And I know I didn’t do it.
I’m rambling. Michael would tell me I’m stuck in the past and that dude is right. I am stuck in the past. It’s hard to get my head out of it when I’m constantly confronted with my past transgressions day in and day out. The cops won’t let it go. They don’t care that David made up the entire story about me beating that guy to death. Once in jail, always an ex-con. It fucking sucks.
I need to get over it.
Reverie, I hope you’re well. I like to tell myself that I’ve moved on from you. Harsh, right? It’s probably best that we’re not together, that I don’t see you, that you’re not a part of my life any longer. I would only bring you down. You’re a senior and you need to be having fun, enjoying your last year in high school. Doing things I never got a chance to do since I was locked up in jail (look there I go again, blah blah blah, poor me). I want that for you. I don’t want you miserable.
But then I saw the article about your parents being permanently terminated from The Flock of the Lambs and I know…you must be having a hard time. I want to be there for you, holding you close and comforting you. Maybe you found someone else to comfort you though. I hate the thought of that but I have no claim on you. I’m the one who walked away and never reached out to you again.
It’s all on me. I have no one to blame but myself.
So I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re living your life and not allowing yourself to become stuck in the past. I’m trying to do the same.
It’s hard though. So fucking hard.
Love,
Nicholas
November 12th
I t’s been a month since I reconnected with Vanessa and