‘April Fool!’ When nobody did, he opened his mouth yet again, but was spared the struggle to find more words by the arrival of the third owl of the evening. It zoomed through the still-open window like a feathery cannonball and landed with a clatter on the kitchen table, causing all three of the Dursleys to jump with fright. Harry tore a second official-looking envelope from the owl’s beak and ripped it open as the owl swooped back out into the night.
‘Enough – effing – owls ,’ muttered Uncle Vernon distractedly, stomping over to the window and slamming it shut again.
Dear Mr Potter,
Further to our letter of approximately twenty-two minutes ago, the Ministry of Magic has revised its decision to destroy your wand forthwith. You may retain your wand until your disciplinary hearing on the twelfth of August, at which time an official decision will be taken.
Following discussions with the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the Ministry has agreed that the question of your expulsion will also be decided at that time. You should therefore consider yourself suspended from school pending further enquiries.
With best wishes,
Yours sincerely,
Mafalda Hopkirk
Improper Use of Magic Office
Ministry of Magic
Harry read this letter through three times in quick succession. The miserable knot in his chest loosened slightly with the relief of knowing he was not yet definitely expelled, though his fears were by no means banished. Everything seemed to hang on this hearing on the twelfth of August.
‘Well?’ said Uncle Vernon, recalling Harry to his surroundings. ‘What now? Have they sentenced you to anything? Do your lot have the death penalty?’ he added as a hopeful afterthought.
‘I’ve got to go to a hearing,’ said Harry.
‘And they’ll sentence you there?’
‘I suppose so.’
‘I won’t give up hope, then,’ said Uncle Vernon nastily.
‘Well, if that’s all,’ said Harry, getting to his feet. He was desperate to be alone, to think, perhaps to send a letter to Ron, Hermione or Sirius.
‘NO, IT RUDDY WELL IS NOT ALL!’ bellowed Uncle Vernon. ‘SIT BACK DOWN!’
‘What now ?’ said Harry impatiently.
‘DUDLEY!’ roared Uncle Vernon. ‘I want to know exactly what happened to my son!’
‘FINE!’ yelled Harry, and in his temper, red and gold sparks shot out of the end of his wand, still clutched in his hand. All three Dursleys flinched, looking terrified.
‘Dudley and I were in the alleyway between Magnolia Crescent and Wisteria Walk,’ said Harry, speaking fast, fighting to control his temper. ‘Dudley thought he’d be smart with me, I pulled out my wand but didn’t use it. Then two Dementors turned up –’
‘But what ARE Dementoids?’ asked Uncle Vernon furiously. ‘What do they DO?’
‘I told you – they suck all the happiness out of you,’ said Harry, ‘and if they get the chance, they kiss you –’
‘Kiss you?’ said Uncle Vernon, his eyes popping slightly. ‘ Kiss you?’
‘It’s what they call it when they suck the soul out of your mouth.’
Aunt Petunia uttered a soft scream.
‘His soul ? They didn’t take – he’s still got his –’
She seized Dudley by the shoulders and shook him, as though testing to see whether she could hear his soul rattling around inside him.
‘Of course they didn’t get his soul, you’d know if they had,’ said Harry, exasperated.
‘Fought ’em off, did you, son?’ said Uncle Vernon loudly, with the appearance of a man struggling to bring the conversation back on to a plane he understood. ‘Gave ’em the old one-two, did you?’
‘You can’t give a Dementor the old one-two ,’ said Harry through clenched teeth.
‘Why’s he all right, then?’ blustered Uncle Vernon. ‘Why isn’t he all empty, then?’
‘Because I used the Patronus –’
WHOOSH. With a clattering, a whirring of wings and a soft fall of dust, a fourth owl came shooting out of the kitchen