Hapless

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Book: Read Hapless for Free Online
Authors: Therese Woodson
but….” Ty bit his lip. He didn’t want to propose like this. Not when he was leaking from a few different orifices and his voice sounded like he was channeling Kathleen Turner. “You’re the prettiest princess,” he said sullenly.
    “And you’re a snotty Prince Charming.” The expression Ty wore had to be pathetic because Micah quickly added, “And the best boyfriend ever, even when you’re being ridiculous.”
    Ty opened his mouth to protest but ended up coughing, which turned into wheezing and gasping. At that point Micah put his foot down, and within a few minutes, Ed and Buttercup dropped them off near a tourist sundry stand where Micah bought medicine for the exorbitant tourist price. Then they were heading to the nearest station.
    Two Benadryl and one Metro ride later, Ty never felt better.
    “I love you, you know,” he said, half-awake and leaning heavily into Micah’s side as they stumbled into the apartment. “Like, I totally love you.”
    Micah grunted in acknowledgment.
    Ty didn’t know why Micah was cranky. Ty was magnificent and floating. In fact, he was so… so… sleepy. How did he get so sleepy?
    “And sex,” Ty said. “You said so much sex.”
    “You’re loopy and you need a shot off your emergency inhaler, and then bed.”
    Nodding, Ty followed Micah into the bedroom, bumping into the wall a few times and then into the doorframe before making it inside. He took the inhaler Micah shoved at him and used it, his lungs feeling better than they had in ever .
    “Okay, lightweight, let’s get these clothes off.”
    “Yes!” Ty said, shrugging out of his sweater. He kicked off his shoes and fell against the bed. He wriggled down his jeans but was too tired to try and get them farther than his knees.
    Micah rolled his eyes fondly and pulled them off, along with Ty’s socks. Once Ty was undressed, Micah pulled back the blankets and ushered Ty into the bed.
    “Sex?” Ty asked.
    “Not tonight.”
    Huffing, Ty closed his eyes and snuggled into the pillow. “Fine,” he said on a breath. “Also, just so you know, I’m going to marry you. Someday. You’ll see.”
    “Good to know,” Micah replied.
    Ty felt the bed dip, and then Micah drifted his fingers across his brow. “Did I mention I love you?”
    “I love you too, Prince Charming,” Micah said, and Ty drifted off to sleep.
     
     
    T HE UNIVERSE was surely telling him something.
    Twisted ankles, bad hockey games, and choking women Ty could deal with. A cat, though? Cat fur and dander on a horse ride? Seriously? That was second-level cosmic asshattery.
    If that wasn’t a big enough sign, when Micah pulled off Ty’s jeans, the ring box fell out and bounced under the bed. Ty nearly had a heart attack the next morning when he couldn’t find it. He did, but Micah didn’t notice it. How could he not notice it? It was a plain box, but it was clearly a ring box.
    It wasn’t subtle .
    Ty pinched the bridge of his nose and took a steadying breath.
    His frustration with his failed proposals began to mount and then bleed over into his everyday life.
    His supervisor sent him an e-mail telling him he couldn’t leave edits on his client’s novels that questioned the real-world validity of flying off into the sunset on the back of a dragon, or question the hero’s masculinity by asking if he could literally sweep the heroine off her feet after being a captive for a month. (He stood by that one, thank you very much.)
    Worse, though, it crept into his relationship as well.
    When they were making cookies for the hospital’s employee holiday party, Ty scowled as he decorated the Christmas trees. When Micah surprised him with a nice dinner, Ty could only think about chocolate lava cake and idiots who hid engagement rings in champagne glasses. When Micah had his last hockey game before the holiday break, Ty opted not to go for the first time ever, citing work.
    Micah noticed.
    “You’ve been weird,” Micah said, stretched out beside Ty in

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