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your hands and feet, I don't know. Nothing makes any fucking sense! We've been checking everything, but I can't find any answers." As if he were shouting at the world, he tilted his head back and cried, "Fucking freeboots!"
    My father was an inch shorter than I, but he still worked the machines so his arms where bulky, his legs, sculpted, and his neck, thick. His clothes were as putrid as his taste in music. Today, he wore a long, tailed, green-plaid jacket over a vibrating orange and black shirt, long blue pants with little video screens all over, and the aforementioned platforms. As for his hair, he dyed it dark brown and had it permed into a tight Afro. It looked exactly like moist chocolate cake.
    His hairdresser, Xavid, with his snow-capped hairdo and huge square glasses, came running onto the stage, and began to gather up the fallen papers and hand them to Father. Xavid then quickly patted Father's Afro here and there and headed off.
    "Anyway, I feel for you, son! I do. I was watching that date—and holy fucking shit was it boring—but whatever! I was there with my girls, my snacks, and we were all cheering and going on, and then I couldn't fucking believe a freeboot! They should all be rounded up and fried in oil! Motherfuckers."
    "They're off the system," said Joelene, with surprising annoyance. "That's why they can't be located and rounded up , as you say."
    Father leaned far forward and squinted. "You're here, too? Jesus fuckercakes, Michael! Can't you fart without her anymore?" He smacked his face with one of his thick hands. "God, son, what do you have in your ball sack? Muffins?"
    "I want Nora back," I said.
    He shook his head. "You know what I think of mkg, Mr. Gonzalez-Matsu, and that Nora—who, I have to say, seems like the biggest priss hole in the universe? They can suck one of my anal enchiladas!"
    "Don't say that. I love her!"
    "I don't know why. She's as dull as skim milk!"
    I hated his relentless verbal attacks. "You never understand."
    "Thankfully!" he muttered. "Anyway, glad to see you're better. That color-therapy blasts, doesn't it?" He paused, as if waiting for me to agree, then shrugged. "Anyway, believe me, someone was behind that shooting. There are too many things that don't make sense. Like where are the bullets and how in the hell he could shoot the top of your feet?"
    "The freeboots," said Joelene, "despite the families' miserable view on them, do have some highly advanced weaponry."
    Thrusting his pelvis, Father said, "My highly advanced weapon can't pee around a corner!"
    "The commission is looking into the possibility of guided and disintegrating munitions."
    Father threw his hands into the air. "Anyway! It was a total disaster. Especially for us, because we're the idiots who are supposed to keep track of those maggots. But forget all that crap for a second. We have to act before the company goes down the toilet, and I've got something lard." Stepping to the edge of the stage, he turned to the wings and hollered, "Watch this dismount!" Until then, I hadn't noticed his film crew, but there, in the shadows at the edge of the stage, stood his silvery-haired director and the cameraman. Father had everything recorded for an auto-documentary that he was always reediting. Last time he screened it, it was five hundred hours long. Next to the crew stood his hairdresser and his assistant, Ken Goh, who wore his usual loyalty-proving orange and blue face paint.
    Then Father jumped from the stage, landed on his green glass platforms, and proclaimed, "Still got it!" Snapping his fingers, he bellowed, "House lights!" He swiveled one of the other chairs around, and plopped down. "First, a few announcements." Nodding toward his hairdresser he said, "I just promoted Ken to Financial Distribution Officer and Chief of Positives. And Xavid, who shows lots of ambition, will be our new Chief Financial Officer, Chief Operations Officer, and Chief of Brains. Take a bow, guys!"
    Ken gave two thumbs up and winked