chick with a
baby, who lives with her
parents, who are going to
bust her anyway.”
[Shut the hell up.] Bree
talking, damn her sharp,
irritating whisper. [Don’t
talk too much, keep your
(my) temper in check, leave
the ranting to Mom and Scott,
you’ll (we’ll) be just fine.
And whatever you do,
leave your conscience—
and confessions—behind.]
I sit in bed, arguing
with myself until the sun
peeks up over the eastern
hills, eyes almost as red
as mine must be. Just about
the time the sky shimmers
light, Hunter wakes up.
I go to him quickly, hustle
into the kitchen to fix him
a bottle, kissing him quiet.
Since Mom was up so
incredibly late last night
(worrying about me!)
[hey, conscience, remember?],
she might just sleep in.
Maybe she’ll be so rested
that she’ll only give me
the second degree. I’m
sure not in any mood
for the third.
B ut It’s Saturday
Mom and a friend of hers
always go to the gym early
to work out. Which means
no way will she sleep in.
She pads into the kitchen,
notices I’m feeding Hunter.
Glad to see you made it home
okay. What time did you get in?
I suppose I could lie, but
that’s just stupid. “Around
four thirty, I guess. I’ll take
a nap when Hunter does.”
Mom gives me a solid once-
over, but if she notices
anything, keeps it to herself.
So how was the college fair?
College fair? Oh, yeah.
“Okay, I guess. It’s a
pretty nice campus and all.
Robyn seems to like it.”
She looks at me harder.
Robyn’s at UOP, isn’t she?
I thought you said the college
fair was in Sacramento.
One thing meth is good
for—manufacturing lies
sans hesitation. “I always mix
up Stockton and Sacramento.”
She stares me straight in
the eye. Good thing you
didn’t mix them up when
you were behind the wheel.
“Heh-heh. Yeah, you’re
right. Oops. Smells like
Hunter’s breakfast went
right through him….”
I start to get up, but Mom
puts a severe hand on my
arm. One second. I need to
talk to you about something.
I swallow hard. Does
she hear Bree’s voice
in my mouth, see the
monster in my eyes? “What?”
Leigh called. She’s planning
on coming home for your
birthday. I thought it might be
a good time to baptize Hunter.
Relief floods my face
like a hot, red tidal wave.
“Baptize Hunter? Oh.
Yeah. Well, I guess so.”
Good. I’ll talk to Pastor
Keith at church tomorrow
morning. You should
think about godparents.
Jeez, is that it? Inquisition
over? “Godparents. Right.
Meanwhile, diaper patrol.”
I make a hasty exit.
Hmm. Baptize Hunter? I’ve
never considered it, let alone
who I’d want to take care
of him, should something
bad happen to me. I don’t
have any friends who could
fill such big shoes. Mom
and Scott? Can grandparents
be godparents? Maybe Leigh?
But would I have to name her
partner, too? And how would
Pastor Keith feel about that?
Thoughts and ideas volley
back and forth in my head.
I put Hunter in his swing,
watch him rock along.
I feel exhilarated. I feel rotten.
I know I’ve made a terrible
mistake. I’m ecstatic that
I found a way to make it.
M om Leaves for the Gym
Now I have to face Scott,
who finally comes downstairs,
“pissed” written all over his face.
Well, look who decided to
grace us with her presence.
I can’t believe how rude you are.
I didn’t have to take it from
Mom. Should I take it from
husband number two? “Sorry.”
Yeah, whatever. Just don’t
expect to borrow one of our
cars again anytime soon.
All the more reason to find
a way to keep my own vehicle
in tip-top shape. “I won’t.”
Did you apologize to your
mother? She sat up half
the night, worrying about you.
Irritation blossoms. And I’m
starting to want another
little toot. “Yes, I apologized.”
Damn straight. Kristina, you’re
a mom yourself now. Can you
not relate, just a little bit?
Like Hunter is going to
borrow a car and stay out all
night