before and after the event.
Melissa’s Story
I wish I lived in a commune or military barracks or in some setup where I’d be told what to do and when. Making those choices for myself doesn’t work lately. I want a structure decided for me. I know it would help if I worked outside the home, but I don’t. It’s my choice to stay home with my kids, but when they’re in school, I can literally walk around my house for hours. I pick up one thing and then turn on the TV and then call my husband and then watch more TV and then think of how I’m wasting my time … it just doesn’t stop. I have plenty of friends to see, but their lives seem so much more structured than mine.
I’ve decided to make a change and apply for a part-time job. I thought staying home would be good for me, but it was the wrong decision. My kids will be fine if they have to go to day care a few hours in the afternoons. I think this is much better than having a depressed mother walking around the house for hours just waiting for them to get home.
My Story
One of my biggest problems with not being able to work in an office setting (where my depression gets worse due to stress) is that writing is the least structured of any career I can think of! But I so long for structure.
And I think life is more structured when you have others to take care of, but because I don’t have children, I also don’t have that structure. I’m now working on planning my days by taking classes and making sure I have something to do in the late afternoon, so I know I have to stop working at a specific time.
There are so many days when I feel like I’m floating. On these days, I get nothing done. The night is rarely a problem for me because that’s when I see the people who work during the day, but the daytime can be a huge problem if it’s unstructured.
What I do now:
• I know I have to make plans far in advance.
• I need something to look forward to because I really flounder if I wake up depressed and without a plan.
• I remind people that I need a lot of structure and it really helps if they stick to our previously decided times and plans. This used to seem a bit controlling to my family and friends, but I think they really understand now and try hard to accommodate me.
• When I look at my day planner and it’s empty, I know I have to schedule work and events very specifically.
• On the days when I have too much free time, I go easy on myself if I get really upset and more depressed. And then I make sure I have something to do the next day.
Exercise
ASK DR. PRESTON
Why does depression often respond to structure?
To answer this question, let’s look at someone who has a free Saturday ahead of them. If there’s no structure, no planned activities, the depressed person is at high risk for staying in bed or otherwise not engaging in any enjoyable or meaningful activity. Often, by the end of the day, they’ve accomplished nothing and think, I got nothing done. I didn’t see anyone. I feel useless and lonely. I feel out of control of my life. In addition, inactivity leads to lethargy and fatigue.
But when you have a plan, a structure, in place, you have something to look forward to, and that helps lift the depression.
You Need Structure!
Children respond to structure. Let them run wild all day, and you’re asking for discipline and sleep problems. It’s the same with your brain. Structure creates calmness. Knowing you have to be somewhere or do something at a certain time helps you get things done. Without structure in place, you can lose days, weeks, months, and even years floating around wondering why you can’t get anything done. Structure your life, and structure your brain.
Here are some more benefits of structure:
• You’re more able to focus on what needs to be done instead of when it’ll be done.
• Having things the same on a daily basis may be a bit boring or seem too busy on the good days, but it helps immensely on