each other lately."
I felt a lump in my throat. How wonderful she was to go out of her way for me. With my schedule, I never had a chance to spend time with my friends.
Together, we headed toward the library, stopping at the post office on our way.
Outside, I paused, wobbling slightly on my weary legs. "Marci, look! It's so clear tonight you can see all the stars."
"Sookan, are you okay? You look so pale and tired."
"Oh, I'll be fine. It's just that there is so much running around in the dining hall. I can't wait to be a sophomore; then, I can do my scholarship duty in the library."
Marci smiled awkwardly and said nothing.
"It's not so bad, really. It gives me a chance to meet other scholarship students. We get to talk a bit while we set up. And I do love that room when all the candles are lit." Suddenly I couldn't stop talking. "I love watching the patterns the candlelight casts on the ceiling and walls. Those few minutes before all the students come in fill me with such a feeling of peace and happiness. It's hard to explain, but those moments carry me through the evening. At night, when I return to the library and am feeling angry about not having enough time to study, I think of the dancing candlelight and it makes me smile. I wish you would come early one day and see it with me." Then, I felt silly for chattering about candles for so long, and quickly opened the door to the post office.
Waiting for me was a letter from my sister and a note from Miss Mullen in the job placement office. I opened the note first, which said, "The local Girl Scouts club would like you to speak about Korea this Saturday at noon. If you could wear your native outfit, it would be a great treat for them. Let me know."
I was glad to hear from Miss Mullen, but I was worried about not having enough time for all of my work.
"What is it?" asked Marci, who must have noticed that I was upset. I handed her the note.
"Sookan, if you don't want to, you should just say so," Marci said, after reading the note.
Taking a deep breath, I said, "No, I should do it. 1 am the only Korean here and if I say no, there is nobody else who can talk about Korea to the little girls."
"Yeah, but if it's too much, you just can't. Miss Mullen of all people will understand. She knows how many jobs you work."
"I know. But I feel that I should do these things. I understand that I am a foreigner and look different, and that people are curious about me. It is my duty to help people understand me, and my culture. And I like meeting new people. I think I would really enjoy meeting the Girl Scouts." I sighed. "It just gets so hard after a while. I keep falling further and further behind in my studies, and I'm beginning to worry that I might actually fail some of my courses. And I'm sometimes tired of this feeling that I always have to explain myself. I have to work for every little bit of acceptance and understanding. Sometimes I wish I could get lost in the crowd, and just go about my business. That's why I don't really like wearing my
hanbok.
It makes me feel so different and so all alone. It must be a comfort to be like everyone else. There's so much pressure when you're different."
Marci was deep in thought, and I wondered if she had even been listening to me. It was silly of me to go on and on. Maybe it was too hard for Marci to relate to what I was saying. After all, she had grown up fifteen minutes away from here.
"I think I know how you feel," Marci said, to my surprise. "I might look like everyone else, but I feel out of place here. I'm out of place even in my own home. I feel like an oddball wherever I am."
I didn't know how to respond. I knew Marci was shy and still trying to settle in at school, but I was surprised by her words.
"My parents and my sister are so much alike," she continued. "My parents adore her. Dad and Susan are always talking about photography together, and Susan and my mom are always shopping or going to the beauty parlor together. She