the end of the road was a big rustic cabin with lights shining brightly from every window. The door slammed behind Pinky and she was in the driveway even before Prosper came to a complete stop. She fell on him the minute he was out of the van. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but whatever it was had calmed her. Then I watched as they both approached the van.
Prosper opened the heavy door and Pinky stuck her head in slowly. She looked at Claire asleep in my lap and something that looked like pain crossed her eyes.
She smiled at me gently, “Hey little darling. Claire looks mighty sleepy, can I take her and put her inside? We have a nice big warm bed just for her and one for you too. I made cookies. I’ve been waiting for you and I’m so happy you’re here, honey.” She had her arms outstretched ready for Claire.
I looked passed her to Prosper and he nodded. I had long known that Pinky had secrets too, more than Prosper, more than my dad. But unlike Prosper’s, I knew that the darkest of Pinky’s secrets were about things that had been done to her, and not about things she had done to others. I reached past Claire to find the small dirty pink bunny that she dragged with her everywhere. I said solemnly, “She’s going to need this.”
Pinky turned to Prosper and unloaded the precious bundle in to his big arms. Then she turned back to me.
“Raine, do you know why you’re here honey? Why Prosper came and got you?”
I nodded wisely, “It’s because our daddy doesn’t come home or take care of
Claire anymore.”
“That’s right, sweetheart. And Claire needs someone to take care of her, doesn’t she? So until your daddy can do that again, Prosper and I thought we would do that for her and maybe you might let us take care of you too.”
All the fear and utter despondency that had sat heavy on my little heart for too long washed away and was replaced with an anger so deep it filled me.
“I take care of Claire. I do that. I wash her and make her eat. I try to comb her hair but she runs from me. I take care of Claire!” I shouted. “I do that! We don’t need daddy to do that ever ever again! AND YOU! YOU DO NOT GET TO DO THAT!”
That was it. I was done. I felt my heart break and the big dark lie take its place inside my soul where it would dwell and feed and soon become bigger than all the good things. That lie that was so big that if I ever let it up it would tear me apart on its way out. Because now I had a dark secret too and that secret was that I needed my daddy to do that more than I needed to breathe. And try as I might, I could not make that happen. That was the darkest secret of all. I pulled my arms around me to keep the hard jagged truth in tight so it wouldn’t shred me to pieces on the way up. I drew myself in and held on tight.
Prosper saw me wrap myself around and he knew.
He knew.
He pulled Pinky gently out of the way then and handed Claire to her. He nodded her toward the house. With a look of great sadness and infinite understanding, Pinky left us taking Claire and pink bunny into the cabin.
My little chest was heaving and my throat was balled up so hard with unshed tears that it hurt to breathe. Prosper slid into the seat next to me, not too close but not too far away either. He looked out the window away from me for a time, then he casually started unwrapping a candy bar that had been in his pocket. He took a piece off, popped it into his mouth and offered the rest to me. I hesitated and then accepted the peace offering. We sat that way for a while listening to the sounds of a country night and tasting the smooth creamy chocolate on our tongues.
“You still playing that little harp I gave you?” He said. Not looking at me.
“Every day.” I said. Not looking at him.
He nodded. More silence.
“You know, don’t you little darlin’, that you’re just about the smartest, most courageous friend that I ever had?”
“I’m not brave Prosper,” I whispered miserably.
William K. Klingaman, Nicholas P. Klingaman
John McEnroe;James Kaplan