five,â his mother says.
âBut this was how I was able to see all this. Not worried youâd be kidnapped. Just that you might cross the street. You never did. He was a very obedient boy, Howard. But once I found you sitting on the curbâyou must have done this a few times because more than a few times a doughnut or roll was missing from a bagâeating one. Then heâd come home. I used to watch you from the street. You know, sneak up from behind car to car so you wouldnât see me following you. If someone saw me doing this with a boy today theyâd think I was trying to kidnap him and Iâd be arrested, no questions asked. But everyone around then knew I was your nanny. Then youâd leave your wagon out front and go into the building and apartmentâthe doors were always unlocked during the dayâand ask me or one of your brothers or your mother to help you bring the wagon downstairs.â
âWhat a memory you have.â
âI donât remember most of that,â he says. âGoing into Grossingerâs for sugar and jelly doughnuts I do, but no note or wagon. Sitting on the curb eating a roll or doughnut Iâve no mental picture of, I think, other than for what other peopleâs accounts of it have put into my head.â
âBelieve me,â Frieda says. âIf you did it once, shopping with your wagon, you did it a dozen times. And when you got home, first thing you always asked for was one of those doughnuts or rolls or the end slice of the rye bread if it was rye. With no butter on itâno spread. Just the bread plain.â
âI remember liking the end slice then. The tiny pieceâno bigger than my thumbâbut which was usually left in the bakeryâs bread slicer. In fact, I still have to fight my wife for it. At least for the heel of the bread, since it seems all the bread we get comes unsliced.â
âHow is Denise?â
âFine.â
âSheâs wonderful,â his mother says. âAs dear to me as any of my children, thatâs the way I look at her, terrible as that might be to say.â
âIt isnât. Iâm sure Howard loves to hear it. And your daughter?â she says to him. âOlivia? You really should have brought her.â
âNext time, I swear.â
His mother asks Frieda about her trip to Germany this summer, her first time back there in about forty-five years. Then she starts talking about the European trip she took with his father more than twenty years ago and especially the overnight boat ride their tour took down the Rhine. It was in this room. His father walked in from there, he ran up to him from there, arms out. From where heâs sittingâdifferent table and chairs but same place, the small kitchen alcoveâhe sees it happening in front of him as if onstage. Two actors, playing father and son. âFriedaâ must still be offstage or never gets on. Heâs in the first row, looking up at them, but very close. Or sitting level with them, three to four feet away, for itâs theater-in-the-round. The two actors come from opposite directionsâthe father from stage left if thatâs the direction for Howardâs left, the son from stage right. They stop, the father first, about two feet from each other. He points, with his arms still out, to his face. The young actor playing him does. Heâs asking for help, with his pointing and expression. He wants to be picked up or grabbed. The shit doesnât smell because itâs makeup. The young actor gives the impression he just tasted a little of it. But heâs not going to throw up. Howard didnât then, far as he can remember, and thatâs not what the young actorâs face says, though he does look as if heâs just gagged. The father bursts our laughing. Heâs wearing the same clothes his father wore that day. Dark suit, white shirt, tie. Howard doesnât recognize the sonâs