my eyes are dry.
âAre you sure youâre okay?â he asks.
I nod into his chest.
âCan you tell me whatâs making you cry?â
âMum,â I whisper.
âDid you two have a fight? About me being in your room?â
âNo. Itâs ⦠sheâs ⦠she has ⦠itâs cancer. In her breast.â
Dan tightens his embrace. âOh, Fray.â
We lie in silence. Danâs chest rises and falls with each breath he takes. The predictable repetition soothes me until my heart rate slows and my breathing matches his.
After a while he asks, âIs she going to be okay?â
âI donât know. Sheâs having an operation just after Christmas. She says the odds are good, but â¦â
More silence. I try to fall back into the rhythm of our breathing, but no matter how hard I try, I canât. Then Dan says, âWhy donât we go downstairs and watch a movie on the big screen?â
I go to the guest bathroom and splash cold water on my puffy eyes and red cheeks. When I come out I spot Dan in the courtyard, furtively dragging on a cigarette. I pretend I havenât seen him. Itâs not the right time to give him another lecture on the evils of smoking, and anyway, he says he only smokes when heâs stressed, and we both know whose fault that is today.
Dan comes into the living room a minute later, crunching a mouthful of breath mints and looking guilty. He tells me to choose a DVD while he makes popcorn in the microwave (which doesnât taste as good as popcorn made on the stove, but for someone whose mum wonât even have a microwave in the house itâs such a novelty that I love it, especially the fakey-butter flavoured one). Even if you didnât know that Danâs house is a woman-free zone, you could guess from the DVD collection: science fiction, war movies and action flicks. I choose a kung-fu movie that claims to be âa hilarious martial arts westernâ. Half an hour into it, I realise that this means a lot of bad jokes about villains getting kicked in the balls, impaling themselves on spiky cacti and being hit in the face with things. I donât care. Iâm stretched out on the grey suede couch, lying with my head on Danâs lap. If he wasnât laughing so hard, Iâd fall asleep.
âI should get going,â I say when the movie ends.
âDo you want me to come with you?â
I reluctantly pull myself off the couch. âThanks, but Iâll be okay.â
âWell, do you want to do something tomorrow? We can ride to the beach, if you like.â
âI have to finish my Christmas shopping,â I say, not mentioning that his is the only gift I still have to buy. âAnd get stuff ready for Stephâs tomorrow night. Iâll see you on Christmas Day though, right?â
âYeah, we should be back from Auntie Bevâs by five. Iâve already told Dad that if they try to make me sit at the kidsâ table with the six year olds again, weâre leaving immediately, so it could be way earlier.â
I make a silent wish for Auntie Bev to stuff up big-time.
7
When I get home thereâs a postcard from Nicky on the dresser in the hallway.
Dear Freia
Bulgaria is beautiful, but freezing â theyâre predicting a white Christmas. SO glad your mum lent me those thermals! Thankfully, the library (which is beautiful and amazing beyond words) is heated. I wish I could say the same for my hotel. Hope youâre having the summer of your dreams. I canât wait to hear all about it when I get back.
xxx Nicky
PS Please give Jay a hug for me next time you see him. I expect heâll need one by now.
Jayâs not the only one, I think. But of course Nicky doesnât know that. I asked Mum last night if she was going to tell Nicky about the operation, because I think sheâd want to know. Mum looked at me like Iâd suggested she go skinny-dipping in the